UPDATE: We’ve added the cover and contents page to the end of the post. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-BATMAN!
Would you look at that super-sexy bit of magazine cover? Isn’t it all lovely and special and eye-catching and… hang on, we can’t actually show you our May issue’s cover. Reason being: it’s top-secret. For now, at least. According to this soul-binding legal agreement we’ve signed, we’re only actually allowed to show you this Friday, the 26th of April. There’s a clause in there that explicitly states that should we not keep this secret as mega-secret as secretly possible, packs of angry wolves will descend on our office to ravage our coffee supply and use up all the toilet paper. And we simply cannot have that.
So! Return here this Friday for a peek at what you’ll be able spot on store shelves this Thursday the 25th, and possibly even today if you’re a subscriber. It makes no sense, sure: but them’s the rules!
While we also can’t show you our contents page, because of stuff and things, we can actually use words to detail some of what you’ll discover in this month’s issue. Breach the break for maximum discovery.
How’s about that BioShock Infinite, ‘ey? What an important slice of video game goodness that is. We’ve got our verdict (well, the magazine’s verdict anyway) ready and waiting for you within the May issue’s pages. You’d be surprised how difficult it is to cram all the many thoughts Infinite inspires into a magazine’s strict word-limit, but we made it happen. We also pick apart the pieces of StarCraft II‘s first, long-awaited expansion Heart of the Swarm to see if Blizzard’s delivered the goods. The two GoWs, God of War: Ascension and Gears of War: Judgment (damn your American spelling), are tried and sentenced, while in the background we mull over the experiences provided by the likes of Army of Two: The Devil’s Cartel, The Walking Dead: Survival Instinct, LEGO City: Undercover, Sly Cooper: Thieves in Time and Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate.
Our previews section takes a peek at Resident Evil: Revelations‘ bigger-screen debut, and we share a brief introductory look at Bastion developer Supergiant’s next excursion into immersive digital entertainment, Transistor. Blizzard’s first free-to-play game, Hearthstone: Heroes of Warcraft, managed to massively intrigue us in the short time we had with it at PAX East 2013. And speaking of, we went to PAX! For, like, the first time ever YAY! In addition, we sent an android to GDC (Game Developers Conference) 2013 to gather valuable intelligence. And also drink lots of alcoholism-fuelling juices, because that’s just how our android rolls. Read all about our adventures within!
In our hardware pages we compare high-end GPUs, stare at strategy guides, blow speakers with expensive sound cards, have our heads molested by uncomfortable headphones and throw SSDs at small children to gauge the results. We do important work here.
There’s much more to enjoy in our May issue, on sale Thursday the 25th of April. Unfortunately our Bethlehem, Bloemfontein, Klerksdorp and Rustenberg readers will have to wait a bit longer, as the magazine will only be on sale in said areas on the 2nd of May due to distribution problems. Booooo! Seriously though, we’re mighty sorry about that. Remember that our magazine can also be had by visiting Zinio, and be sure to check back this Friday if you’d like to get a look at our cover and contents page before you buy.