It’s the rules of the universe that everybody who was a kid in the ’80s and ’90s has their favourite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Mine’s Raphael because obviously Raphael is so totally awesomely super sensationalistic, but I know some people like to pretend that Donatello, Leonardo, and Michelangelo are cooler, probably because those are their only options after I’ve already dibsed Raphael on the character selection screen. It’s like a radical cosmic zen one-with-the-Turtles thing, and I think Splinter would approve.
I’m not sure Splinter would approve of this game, however. It lacks discipline.
Platforms: 360 / PC / PS3
On cheese grease-congealed paper, TMNT: Out of the Shadows is a 3D co-op brawler supporting up to four players that has the half-shelled heroes saving New York from the evil machinations of Shredder and the Foot Clan. Again. After almost 30 years of the same argument, you’d think these guys could work something out.
The game uses a combat system that feels like Batman: Arkham Asylum‘s awkward, basement-dwelling adolescent bro. Which makes a funny kind of sense in context, maybe, but fails in execution. The combos are there, the counters are there, the special finishers and team-ups are there, but laggy and imprecise controls and the world’s worst in-game camera undermine the whole thing. It’s easier to just mash buttons, but this also renders the game’s unexpectedly complex and potentially interesting RPG-like character skill system mostly irrelevant. That’s rather a shame too, because a bit of fine-tuning to the combat could consequently have made a tremendous improvement to the entire game, but instead it’s just a monotonous series of PRESS X RAPIDLY TO CONTINUE. Cry cowabunga and let slip the turtles of war. And I do mean “slip”.
The lack of attention to what should be obvious details is a prevailing theme throughout. The campaign doesn’t save progress properly, so if everybody dies you have to start the whole chapter over. If there’s some way to play the extra Arcade and Challenge modes online, I don’t know how to do that and the game isn’t dropping any useful hints. Combo prompts only show on the host player’s screen in a multiplayer session. Interactive objects in the environment – often used to trigger sequencing – glow yellow… sometimes. There’s also no objective marker, and more than once we ended up slogging all over a level looking for the way forward.
I got a lot of stealth kills, from the front, in the middle of engagements with multiple alerted enemies. I mean, ninjas can hide in plain sight and everything, but even in a game featuring talking subaquatic reptiles that do karate and eat pizza and fight crime, that’s pushing my suspension of disbelief a bit too far.
There’s a decent Turtles game hiding in the shadows of this one, but it never quite comes out. Wait, no, can I use a “never comes out of its shell” gag instead? I can’t decide, they’re both equally brilliant. Or what about a predictable toilet joke? I’ll think I’ll go with a retro pop culture classic.