NAG Online > Opinions > If the NAG writers were superheroes, who would they be?

If the NAG writers were superheroes, who would they be?

patrick stewart

We have a diverse staff at NAG Online. There’s the hired guns such as myself, the specialists like Wesley, and the overlords overseeing it all, like the enigmatic and all-powerful Dane Remendes. Which got me thinking – if we were all superheroes, who would we be? Hit the jump, and I’ll tell you.

Wesley Fick: Ironman

The resident technological wizard, Wesley spends most of his days surrounded by shiny, expensive things.

He can MacGyver a passable Radeon 5770 out of a toaster and four hairclips, or disassemble and reassemble anything you own in the time it takes you to make a sandwich. You’ll never see him do it, except you’ll wonder why your PC is ever so slightly faster the next time you use it.

With a steaming cup of coffee where his heart should be, Wesley manages to stay awake for ungodly hours while he hammers out 7000-word columns on his mechanical keyboard. When he’s not working he can be found doing everything you can, but better.

Delano: Superman

Delano, like Superman, prefers a life of secrecy; out of the spotlight. He’s probably super pissed he’s in this list and on his way here now to smash apart some of my furniture. Delano, if you’re reading this, spare the couch, man.

Opting to follow in the footsteps of badasses such as Cher and Prince, Delano reveals to us only a single name. Passing himself off as an ordinary writer by day, he spends his nights completing multiple indie titles per hour.

Delano doesn’t play an indie, like it and then write about it like you or I would. Delano plays ALL THE INDIES, and then writes about the one he liked the best. Or didn’t like at all, just to keep you guessing.

I mean come on Delano, did you really think this column was going to fool anyone?

When he isn't soaring across the sky, he likes to claim he's never finished Super Meat Boy. Suuuuuure.

When he isn’t soaring across the sky, he likes to claim he’s never finished Super Meat Boy. Suuuuuure.

Miklós Szecsei: Deadpool

Miklos exists to remind all of us not to take life too seriously. Primarily a news writer, Miklos has a knack for making any news readable with his own brand of sarcastic cynicism and next-level-trolling.

Hell, even his name is silly!

Miklos and I became contacts on Google Talk quite some time ago, but neither of us has ever said anything. We’re waging a silent battle on who speaks first, for that person will be the loser. Sometimes I open up my GTalk client and just stare at his green dot. I can almost feel it laughing at me.

And then just when I think I have him sussed, he writes a super serious column, just to throw me off.

Yes, me. Everything Miklos does is targeted at me somehow. It is known.

Rick de Klerk: Spider-man

What Rick lacks in raw, athletic, ass-kicking ability he makes up for with sharp wit and intellect.

This is the whitebread cracker who would destroy you in a rap battle. He’s the Eminem to your Lil Bow Wow.

Rick doesn’t need weapons, he’ll talk you into giving him yours and then shoot you with it. And then make a lewd joke about your mother or something.

Hell, he took my own column and then made it better. I know this because we measure success around here in the currency of comments. Also, his idea was funnier. Damn you, Rick. Ass.

Spider-man might get thrown into several walls over the course of a battle, but you best be damned sure he’ll have the last word.

Usually about your mother.

spiderman troll

Dane Remendes: Professor X

Dane doesn’t get mixed up in the battles too much, he prefers to sit at the back in his overly comfortable chair with his overly large helmet on, overseeing things.

That is, of course, when he’s not fiddling with our minds like puppets on a string, altering our very thoughts and ideas on a whim. Sometimes I’ll go back to one of my columns to change something and I’ll see “Dane Remendes is currently editing this post.” GET OUT OF MY HEAD CHARLES!

It’s no fun having Professor X in your head when you can feel it happening, it’s like he’s poking my brain. The only thing that makes it worse is that you’re not quite sure what he’s poking it with.

When he isn’t doing… that, I have it on good authority that he’s whizzing around the office in his wheely-chair, annoying everybody with his vroom vroom noises.

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  • Bianca

    I laughed quite a lot. Well, not out loud because I’m in a library but you get the point. I don’t want to see what happens when Lazygamer tries to do this. People might die.

    • http://www.mygaming.co.za Chris Kemp

      Maybe I can go to their offices as an outside, objective consultant :P

      • Bianca

        You just want to watch the world burn, huh?

        • http://www.mygaming.co.za Chris Kemp

          Shhhhh, Batman will hear you. I haven’t revealed his identity yet, but he’s among us.

      • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Wesley-Fick/184346154999538 Wesley Fick

        So long as you don’t wear a blue T-shirt, ANC members might attack you with bricks and petrol bombs.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Wesley-Fick/184346154999538 Wesley Fick

    I can actually take apart a laptop in 10 minutes if I know where all the screws and tabs are, although it’s a bit like cleaning a rifle – it takes practice!

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Wesley-Fick/184346154999538 Wesley Fick

      Although, why not Batman? I always come to aid when someone uses a mention on the forums or Facebook, like a Batsignal. Plus, Bruce Wayne doesn’t build his own tech, Wayne Enterprises does. Iron Man could bend time if given enough money and resources.

      • http://www.mygaming.co.za Chris Kemp

        Ah, but Bruce Wayne doesn’t know HOW TO USE any of his stuff. He just wings it and mostly doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing. You can be Morgan Freeman if you want? :P

        • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Wesley-Fick/184346154999538 Wesley Fick

          That’s a better idea xD Giving gadgets and advice to people to allow them to become Batman.

          • http://www.mygaming.co.za Chris Kemp

            Woah woah hold the phone… you can make me Batman?

          • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Wesley-Fick/184346154999538 Wesley Fick

            Batman, Ironman, a soldier in space, a ruthless gangsta with billions in a sandbox called Los Santos, a space adventurer… you name it, there’s a game that will let you be that thing or person ;)

          • http://www.mygaming.co.za Chris Kemp

            All this talking you could be using this time to make me that bazooka you promised

          • Bianca

            He probably just lied about that bazooka to get you to do something. Here’s to hoping it wasn’t a sexual favour :P then you already got it

          • http://www.mygaming.co.za Chris Kemp

            So you think I’m the one getting bazooka’d ey? I guess I know who’s the man in the relationship now :`(

          • Bianca

            Yes… Wesley’s mom.

          • http://www.mygaming.co.za Chris Kemp

            You’ve been hanging out with Rick, haven’t you?

          • Bianca

            It’s like fight club. We don’t talk about it

  • Nic Simmonds

    Whatever, Chris.

    • http://www.mygaming.co.za Chris Kemp

      I left a few of us off (including myself), since I’m certain Rick will be coming along shortly to complete the list. And do it better than me. That bastard.

      • http://www.mygaming.co.za Chris Kemp

        Okay I lied just now it’s because I’m lazy and easily distracted. But mostly lazy.

        • Nic Simmonds

          I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS KIND OF WELL WE HAVE EXCHANGED A FEW EMAILS :3

          • http://www.mygaming.co.za Chris Kemp

            That’s exactly why I couldn’t reveal your secret identity!

  • Squirly

    If I was a superhero I would be ‘cooks-rice-perfectly-everytime-man’.

    Just thought I’d put that out there.

    • http://www.mygaming.co.za Chris Kemp

      I don’t believe. Noone cooks rice perfectly.

  • Rick de Klerk

    60′s Spider-Man? I am okay with this.

    • http://www.mygaming.co.za Chris Kemp

      I’m okay with your MOTHER

      • Tank Muller

        Ooh…

        • http://www.mygaming.co.za Chris Kemp

          SHOTS FIRED

          • Rick de Klerk

            Well, she is big into charity.

          • http://www.mygaming.co.za Chris Kemp

            Had to come back 4 days later and admit I got owned.

  • Miklós Szecsei

    My green dot is blushing…

    • http://www.mygaming.co.za Chris Kemp

      Yessss…. I can feel you’re close to breaking.

  • Delano

    Heh. No worries, Chris. Your furniture is safe as I don’t have any plans for leaving Johannesburg any time soon.

    Alas, with me reaching 30, I don’t quite have the same stamina to PLAY *ALL* THE INDIES as I’d like. If I’m Superman, then having a day job is my kryptonite.

    Thanks to you, Chris, I now start humming “…does whatever a spider can…” whenever I see Rick log on to Steam.

    • http://www.mygaming.co.za Chris Kemp

      Haha, I think you should start pm’ing him that every time you log-on :P I don’t know if I should be telling you this, but I live in joburg… but you already knew that, didn’t you Mr. Kent? *steeples fingers*

      • Delano

        For reasons unknown, I thought you lived in one of those little coastal towns…

        • http://www.mygaming.co.za Chris Kemp

          Haha I grew up in PE, I’ve probably mentioned it before. Damnit, STOP MILKING ME FOR INFORMATION WHAT HAVE I DONE

          • Delano

            Heh. I lived in PE from 2001 to 2004 because of work. So I know the place fairly well :)

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