Oh hi March! Didn’t see you there. You’re looking lovely today. We’ve gone and made a magazine in your honour, because you’ve always been so very good to us. Well, to tell you the truth, I suppose you’ve probably been no better to us than any of the other months of the year. But still – you look like you could use a strong pick-me-up, and we’ve got one for you right here.
Step into the void for robots. And jetpacks. And maybe puppies.
HA! There are no puppies here, and it’s much too late for you to turn back now. You’ll just have to sit and stare at our robot-laden March cover, which is made of colours. And also paper. But mostly robots. One robot really. Singular. But it could be your robot. And that should get your attention raised. Doesn’t Titanfall look absolutely amazing? Some of us have played it, and general consensus is that it’s as awesome as you’d expect a competitive multiplayer FPS that’s crawling with wall-running and jetpacks and big stompy Titans with big shooty guns to be. Words have been written to commemorate this momentous moment in gaming’s robot history, and they’re in our March issue.
There’s more in there too! Previews include big names like Eric. And Stan. And Kenny. And Cartman. And South Park: The Stick of Truth and all its South Park-y shenanigans. Mario Kart 8 wants to catapult the Wii U into every living room, ever. Crypt of the NecroDancer is crypts + dancing = win. Then there’s Dark Souls II, which we’ve been too afraid to stare at for very long because it doesn’t blink. It does not blink. Like, ever. And that can’t be good.
Reviews! Man, where are all the games right now? I’ll tell you where: they’re in March. And because of the time-space rift in magazine publishing, even though this is our March issue, there are no March games. That’s no excuse to stay away though, obviously. We’ve inspected the long-awaited arrival of the first half of Broken Age – the kickstarted game that kickstarted Kickstarter’s gaming revolution – to discover if it’s survived The Halvening. Assassin’s Creed: Liberation goes big-screen, and Might & Magic X: Legacy takes us back to an era where role-playing was tiled. Bravely Default heralds the return of Final Fantasy, and Nightmare: Malaria surprises everybody by being a review of a mobile game. Need your fix of Norse mythology, but just can’t find a Viking storyteller nearby? Then perhaps The Banner Saga is what you need.
Inside hardware is a whole bunch of hardware. It’s sure to get hardware buffs all excited about hardware. We Lazy Gamer’s Guide the hell out of the WD Black² to see if it’s as awesome as it is crazy. GPUs, tiny motherboards, headsets, tablets, portable hard drives, finger-controlled computer puppets, even torches – none of it is safe from our critical grasp.
Within the pages of our March issue you will find all of these things. You will also find more than just those things. You may actually find too much. But that’s part of the joy. If you’d prefer to experience that joy via something that feels a lot less like paper, visit Zinio.
Now, below is that cover, doing the robot. Look at it go! Also, a contents page to download. Have at it.