Welcome to April 2014 everyone! Almost. This month, we have a game on our cover that’s actually going to find life on South African soil! As opposed to, you know, that other thing.
But hang on a minute… Shouldn’t we be saying we hope this month’s cover game will see the light of SA’s sunshine? We didn’t just jinx it forever, did we? DID WE?
Oh great gleaming snurflehurdler, what have we do-
LOL. Thanks Titanfall. You’ve gone and turned us into big steaming piles of paranoia. But! Now that we’ve calmed that flood of pseudo-panic juices, isn’t Wolfenstein: The New Order looking lovely? A special sort of lovely too. The kind of lovely that’s made of mecha-Nazis and dual-wielded weaponry and modernificated old-school asskickery and requires the use of obviously made-up words peppering hyper-hyperbolic statements (like “this game will launch your brain-sinew into the supradinosphere”) to best describe. We are quite excited. You should be too. That’s why it’s on our cover. And isn’t it looking lovely? A special sort of lovely too.
Previews this month place all focus on massively multiplayer shenanigans as we delve into the wildly different RPG landscapes of The Elder Scrolls Online and WildStar. Complete with monthly subscriptions!
Our reviews section is packed with delights, brought to you by Critical Evaluations Incorporated. Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII steps left of the traditional JRPG format, and Plants vs. Zombies: Garden Warfare jumps to the right of casual top-down lawn defence. But keeps the zombies. Because you should always keep the zombies. Thief attempted to slip by us unnoticed, but just as it thought it was in the clear we grabbed it by the scruff of its neck and forced it to do the NAG dance for our amusement. Castlevania: Lords of Shadow 2 goes full vampire, and Fable: Anniversary Edition does anniversaries like only Fable can do.
Hardware tiptoes across tech-head heaven with a selection of gadgets and goodies crammed into our newly revamped Mosh Pit showcase. We once again put a selection of headsets, notebooks, motherboards and more (including a camera!) to the test, all so you know where your money’s best spent. Spectacles? Gamer eyewear! No, really.
There’s all that and more nestled within our finely selected assortment of pages, each one hand-picked to comprise our April issue so that your eyeballs have something to drool over. It’s great for mind-nutrition too. If you’d like that in digital, click on everything until you find your way to Zinio.
Below is the contents PDF for your downloading pleasure, as well as a look at that attractive cover. Staring at it here isn’t as good as the real thing, obviously, but you’ll be able to get your hands on it soon enough. This Thursday, the 27th of March to be exact. Enjoy!
ALSO: happy 16th birthday to us! Daddy bought us a Porsche, even though mommy told him she’d divorce him if he did. It’s so shiny!