Somehow, we’re already one half of the way through this Earth year of 2014. Fast-forward just four months and rAge 2014 will be on our doorstep.
That. Is. Ridiculous.
Soon enough it’ll be 700 years in the future and there’ll be a giant lifeless space-ball floating above Earth’s last city while groups of super-powered bouncers find themselves charged with keeping all manner of alien riff-raff out of the universe’s most exclusive club.
We’ll call that future Destiny. Also, Destiny.
Yes, Destiny. It’s on our cover. Look at all that yellow! Isn’t it lovely? And yellow. We traveled great distances (on rickety planes held airborne by VARIOUS MAGICKS!), braved perilous dangers (crossing streets in foreign lands!) and faced fearsome foes (overly-handsy airport security guards!), all so we could wrap our eyeballs around Bungie’s newest game. And it did not disappoint. We’ve got all the sexy Destiny info you’ll ever need, stored safely within the pages of our June issue.
Elsewhere, Disney Infinity: Marvel Super Heroes garners piercing glares because there’s only so much cash left in the universe for parents to spend on physical toys made virtual. But would you look at that Hulk! Isn’t he adorable? We’ve got to have him mommy. We’ve just got to. You don’t want us to love daddy more, do you? Yeah, we didn’t think so. You can just leave your purse with us, thanks.
Moving on to things far less kid-friendly, we dove back into Dead Island for a smattering of cooperative zombie bothering. This one time, we conquered stairs. True story. There was a victory dance and everything. But then we got back to what’s really important in life: snatching up all the bits of wire and half-dead batteries we could carry.
Our reviews section covers everything from the delightfully retro first-person gibbing of the Shadow Warrior remake to the utterly gorgeous 2D artworks of kinda-sorta-JRPG-like adventure Child of Light. There’s football in 2014 FIFA World Cup Brazil and procedurally-generated horror in Daylight, and obsessive card-bashing in Hearthstone: Heroes of Warcraft. There’s even cricket! And secret cephalopods. And more.
Previews see us taking a look at what’s to be expected from Epic’s day-builder, night-survivor Fortnite, the hunter-hunted multiplayer action of Evolve, the 3D-ified castle-crashing RTSing of Stronghold Crusader 2 and the many manic vehicular mayhems of the new Carmageddon, subtitled Reincarnation.
Don’t forget the hardware! We reveal the ins and outs of the difference betweens Intel’s X79 and X99 platforms. CPUs are licked. GPU leftovers are wrapped in cling wrap and stored in the office fridge. PC cases are strapped to train tracks. The foamy headbands of various headsets are used as parachutes. Gaming notebooks get tarred and feathered. ALL-CAPS NAMING CONVENTIONS ALL DAY, EVERY DAY.
Within the pages of our June issue you will find all of this and more. It’s due on shelves this Thursday, the 29th of May. If you’d like something a little more digital, check out Zinio.
Now, below’s that luscious yellow cover. Stare at it. And below that is the contents page. Stare at that too. Don’t stop staring until everything feels… right.