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Elephants… elephants will be my weapon of choice in Ubisoft’s November first-person shooter release. Why? Because they’re basically living tanks; they can throw enemies around and stamp on people; if you’re riding them, they can lift bad guys with their trunks and hold them RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR GUN. They’re helpful that way. Also, they crave the taste of human blood, which I did not know until now but it also totally explains my innate fear of them when driving around Kruger National Park.

If you also want to come to the same realisation that I have, then Ubisoft has prepared a primer video. Once you’ve watched it, you too will say, “Yes. I too will no longer use passé weapons like flamethrowers, bowie knives and AK-47 machine guns. From here on out, I’m using my elephant for all my killing needs.”

I shall be naming my Far Cry 4 elephant Sam. Sam and I will traverse the wilds of Kyrat and lay waste to any militant scumbags who dare get in our way. Also, Sam will eat peanuts because I saw that in a Disney movie once so it must be a thing that elephants do.

I got to play some Far Cry 4 recently. It was a blast. You can read all about it in the October edition of NAG Magazine. Alternatively you can send money directly into my bank account and I’ll talk to you about the game in the comment section below.