Hello once more NAGuturins, and thanks for coming back on this waterlogged Saturday for This Week In Gaming. I’m coming to you now from a WiFi hotspot created by my cellphone, which is currently sitting in a tupperware in the rain outside because that is the only place I can get 4G signal. I do it for you, NAG readers, I do this all for you.
Anyways, enough about my deep displeasure for Telkom and more about gaming news! This time around we have Asus doing something never before done with a laptop (and may or may not be absurdly stupid), Hideo Kojima doesn’t make good on a promise, a game you love and a game you hate come together in beautiful harmony and we get our first look at the GTA movie with Daniel Radcliffe (spoiler: it looks awful).
Then it’s more good news for Fallout fans, DICE raises a stink with a controversial decision for Star Wars Battlefront and Obsidian wants to make the RPG that everybody wants them to make. All that, videos, highlights and a bag of potato chips, after the jump.
Let’s start things off with a bang – the world’s first water-cooled laptop. Yup, Asus have announced the GX700, a 17 inch laptop with a 4K resolution and hardware so badass and overclockable you need water pipes running through it.
So I know what you thinking – how the hell do they make this thing portable with a water cooler?? Er… they don’t.
The idea is that if you do need to lug it somewhere, you can set the hardware to run at normal pace and leave the cooler behind. It’s not an entirely awful idea, really – I had a gaming laptop and barely took it anywhere since the damn thing was bulky and heavy as hell anyway. The appeal of the gaming laptop is simply that it’s easy to transport if you’re going away for a weekend or to a LAN; a lot of them aren’t the best thing to carry on your back to classes all day.
We don’t know much about the specs aside from the 4K resolution and unlocked Skylake CPUs, but you can bet whatever Geforce setup goes in there it’s gonna be beastly. Chek out this hands-on with the slick-looking GX700.
Hideo Kojima caught some flak a while back for saying that the MGS V character Quiet was “created as an antithesis to the women characters appearance in the past… who are excessively exposed”.
He didn’t catch flak for the statement, which sounded like progress, but rather the reveal, which showed off a half-naked character whose boobs looked like they had become sentient and desired nothing more than freedom from their nylon prison, not to mention ripped stockings instead of pants that strategically showed as much butt as possible.
Kojima promised us we’d all eat our words though, saying, “once you recognise the secret reason for her exposure, you will feel ashamed”. So at this junction I should warn you, LAME SPOILERS AHEAD.
It turns out that the reason for all the boobs is some convoluted bullcrap about how Quiet breathes through her skin, and apparently “breathable cotton” was just a marketing gimmick.
Um… yeah. So the reason we have yet another game from an Asian developer that features a talking body attached to a pair of floating boobs is due to some asinine plot point that honestly sounds like an excuse for putting in another adolescent wet dream where a character was supposed to be.
I’m not ashamed – perhaps Kojima should be? In case there was any doubt, he tweeted a photo of the action figure with the boobs pushed up, commenting on the figure’s ability to “lift” or some BS. Ugh. Read a far more well articulated commentary on all this here.
Speaking of shame, remember that BBC “factual drama” about Grand Theft Auto? Daniel Radcliffe was supposed to Rockstar creative Sam Houser and Bill Paxton was going to be attorney-at-douchery Jack Thomson?
Yeah well, it turns out THEY ACTUALLY MADE IT. Rockstar is still filing legal action against this “unauthorised” film about the controversy generated by the game, but that didn’t stop the BBC from posting a trailer this week (before being told to take it down).
Of course this is the internet, and the internet never forgets. Check it out:
Okay be honest – that was rubbish. Why did they get that uppity British lady who sounds like a call-center operator to do the voiceover? How lacking in hype was that? Ugh, I don’t want to judge the film by a 30 second teaser but wow that dialogue was a steaming pile. I’ve seen more sincere emotional expressions from strippers. Er, I mean I have a friend who has. Let’s move on.
Name a board game you never want to play again. Do it, right now, first thing in your head.
You said Monopoly, didn’t you? That’s because I’ve been subtly planting cognitive cues for the game throughout this article, go back and see if you can find them.
Ha just kidding, you said Monopoly because it’s awful and everybody hated it. However, your mind might be changed by Fallout Monopoly, which is pretty much exactly what you think it is.
It’s been confirmed on the official Twitter account following a leak, and it’s apparently going to coincide with the actual game’s release. Not sure if we’ll be seeing this in South Africa, but if you’re a big enough fan you’ll make a plan.
The Stick of Truth was the best RPG ever made, probably. Oh pipe down about your Dragon Age and Skyrim, dragons and bows and arrows and crap are just sooooo 2007.
What might come close to dethroning a game like that though is Obsidian Entertainment’s newly revealed desire to do an RPG based on the animated comedy hit, Archer.
If you haven’t seen Archer before, I expect you to spend the rest of the day and night rectifying that. Find it, and devour it. It is the best comedy show on television bar none, and if anybody so much as breathes the first few syllables of “Big Bang Theory” I probably won’t be able to recover.
Still, this kind of game is not without precedent. According to project director Josh Sawyer, talking Archer, “I don’t think people really thought about it, or at least not seriously, until after Alpha Protocol shipped.
“But it has come up actually several times of people saying, ‘yeah, that would be a good fit. Archer Protocol!'”
So, can we make this happen?
Right everybody, ready your pitchforks. DICE has announced that Star Wars Battlefront multiplayer will not have… a server browser.
Yup, that wondrous piece of decade old technology that everybody bitches about whenever it isn’t there is not going to be there.
And, as always, DICE is insisting that they know what is good for us and that matchmaking will provide the consistent service we want. Or something. Who really knows anymore, the point is they’ve pissed off the PC gaming crowd in particular, and we all know how vicious they can be.
Not me though, of course. I’m a pillar of calm indifference and tolerance, as usual.
More Fallout 4 news, and it seems none of it is ever bad.
Fans hoping for a long, meaty game will be pleased to hear that the latest entry into the franchise has more voice lines than Fallout 3 and Skyrim – combined.
According to Bethesda, it took “many years” to complete recording of the 111,000 lines. The scope of the game has in many ways been credited to the Blu-ray standard of the new consoles; space restrictions are no longer an issue and devs are now free to voice-act the crap out of everything apparently.
We don’t know how big the game is yet, but it sure isn’t going to be small.
Let’s kick things off with vigour – here’s the Dishonoured 2 reveal trailer, dissected for maximum spoilerness.
Soma is enjoying building all kinds of creepy anticipation, and this underwater tour doesn’t disappoint.
Then we have another look at the Need for Speed reboot, specifically the “rep” system.
Purist RTS title Act of Aggression launched this week, promising the return of “the golden age of the RTS”. Check out the launch trailer:
Best of NAG
So Wesley Fick went ultra-nerd this week and reviewed two… fan controllers. Full disclosure guys: I don’t even know what that is. I assume it’s something that controls your fans, but that’s just using my sharp wit and powers of inductive logic. Anyways, you can find those reviews here and here.
Then we have a review of the Razer Blackwidow Ultimate Chroma keyboard by… Dane Remendes? What? Since when does Dane waltz around amongst the peasants writing srs bsness articles? Well, I suppose it does have a lot of pretty colours… You can find evidence of this rare sighting over here.
Then Matthew Fick embraces Jeffrey’s Bay thug-life with a mobile game review, of all things. This isn’t Pissed Off Pigeons or Sweet Stomper or whatever though, this is the real deal – Fallout Shelter.
Finish your Saturday morning reading off with a dose of my usual unassailable calm, reasoned criticism – this time targeted at publishers disregard for people with crappy internet.