Cyberpunk2077

That isn’t just a Cyberpunk 2077 screenshot up top, it’s also a live feed image of me on international news networks this morning, shooting the hostages, until CD Projekt decides to show the game at E3 anyway. Because for the moment, they’re not. AND THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE.

So, you’re next, Stacy. I mean, I don’t know if your name is even Stacy. Who asks hostages what their names are? Dehumanising them is the whole point. Shut up, Stacy. And stop bleeding on the floor. Somebody has to clean this mess up when it’s over, you know.

Where was I? Oh, yes. Cyberpunk 2077 at E3. I bet Stacy doesn’t even know what Cyberpunk 2077 is. She’s such a fake gamer girl. She has fake arms. What a disgrace.

Speaking to Eurogamer‘s Robert Purchese, it was CD Projekt co-founder Marcin Iwinski who started this. Not me. Him.

“It might happen that we will be at E3 and we will show something at E3, but I just want to make it clear it’s not Cyberpunk,” he said. “We still have a lot of work to do with Cyberpunk.”

NOT GOOD ENOUGH, IWINSKI. WHAT, ARE WE GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL 2077 TO SEE THIS GAME? OH, YOU’VE HEARD THAT ONE BEFORE? YOU’RE MAKING STACY CRY, IWINSKI. THIS IS YOUR FAULT, IWINSKI. HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT, IWINSKI?

This got awkward. I’ve made this awkward. I’m sorry, Stacy. I’m sure you’re a totally nice person.

Update, 11:03: Stacy is dead. But she’s also not dead because she’s in the Deus Ex: Mankind Divided trailer, and she’s obviously a clone. What’s going on here, Iwinski?

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