I mean, I can’t say I’m surprised this thing exists. There’s probably even an internet rule for it. And I guess Leon Kennedy could be kind of sexy if you’re into morons with stupid hair. Hey, I’m not judging you – morons with stupid hair need love too. Anyway, Resident Evil 4: Otome Edition is a sort of prequel to the cult-popular game, but told from the perspective of Ashley Graham. You know, the immensely annoying and completely incompetent kidnap victim Leon must rescue, whom even the developers of this dating sim describe as “at best, an objective; at worst, a liability”.

They deserve each other.

“We all know Leon’s story. What about Ashley’s? For the players of Resident Evil 4, she is, at best, an objective; at worst, a liability. A human cog in a well-oiled gameplay machine,” the game’s blurb explains. “But what if she was more than that? What if she was an interesting person, thrust into a crazy world with crazier men who run the gamut from hottie to hellspawn? How would she narrate this nightmare and who would she actually fall for?”

It should be the Merchant, obviously. The guy’s got mad connections – who else sells rocket launchers in the middle of rural Spain? – and some serious entrepreneur skills, plus a sweet trench coat. But no. This is Ashley, remember. She can’t even get over a step on her own, much less recognise a nice guy who would totally hold doors open for her and stuff. Actually, I bet Leon has to hold doors open for her too because she can’t do that either, so maybe I get it.

The Resident Evil 4: Otome Edition demo is out now on PC.