There are lots of reasons not to have kids. They’re expensive, they’re gross, and they’re constantly asking awkward questions about what hotdogs are made of. Nobody wants to know what hotdogs are made of, Cathy, or we wouldn’t eat them. Also, kids can get trapped in nightmarish alternate realities and because you’re supposed to be a “responsible parent” or whatever, you’re expected to stop watching TV and go save them. And I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life.

Maybe The Evil Within 2 protagonist Sebastian Castellanos should be more like me, but it’s probably too late for that. His kid got – oh, you guessed it – trapped in a nightmarish alternative reality, and now he has to save her. And then pay for college, probably. It never stops.

Game’s out on PC, Xbox One, and PS4 in October.

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