G.I. Joe

[Miktar]

B+

Awesome movie, fun to watch, lots of action from start to end, delightfully cheezy.

Note: The movie is based around the Marvel comics, no the ghastly (yet entertaining) 80s cartoon.

Three word reviews:

Powerarmor-Assisted Slapstick.
Damage Per Second.
Joes Hate Polarbears

[Cleric]

Cool. I was planning on watching it with a "B-grade" film mindset, and hoping it would surprise me.

[onona]

Oh dear god, please tell me you're joking Miktar.

GI Joe is f@cking horrible.

[FEN1X]

Oh dear god, please tell me you're joking Miktar.

GI Joe is f@cking horrible.

You say that about everything. :|


Awesome, been looking forward to this. :D

[onona]

You say that about everything. :|

Uh no, I say it about films that are crap.

[dammit]

Uh no, I say it about films that are crap.

To be fair, you're a harsher critic than most.

Also, sometimes B-grade films are fun. Not deeply moving or thought provoking, but enjoyable time wasters

[onona]

Also, sometimes B-grade films are fun.

Absolutely. I enjoy a good popcorn flick (one of my favourite films so far this year was Drag Me To Hell). But I don't think this is one of them. It's profoundly stupid, conceptually as well as in execution. Lame script, fail characters, just everything about it is rubbish. There's suspension of disbelief, and then there's outright fail. This is the latter.

[dammit]

Absolutely. I enjoy a good popcorn flick (one of my favourite films so far this year was Drag Me To Hell). But I don't think this is one of them. It's profoundly stupid, conceptually as well as in execution. Lame script, fail characters, just everything about it is rubbish. There's suspension of disbelief, and then there's outright fail. This is the latter.

That bad, huh? :< Still, I'll get it when it's on dvd to see for myself.

[Miktar]

Oh dear god, please tell me you're joking Miktar.

GI Joe is f@cking horrible.

*shrugs* I don't give a rat's ass what you thought about it, I enjoyed every minute of it. I loved the effects, the cheesy yet appropriate script THAT ****ING FOLLOWS THE MARVEL COMICS ALMOST TO THE LETTER *cough*, and etc.

It was everything I expected it to be, and a bit better, actually.

Let's face it, Onona. You don't like it, yay, fine, horray - but it wasn't ****. 100 mill on opening weekend, and everyone I saw it with had tons of fun watching it.

So don't be such a snootybooty. :P


That bad, huh? :< Still, I'll get it when it's on dvd to see for myself.

Oh, just ignore Onona - she wouldn't know how to suspend disbelief if someone handed her a hydraulic-powered servo-assisted wonderbra. :P

[onona]

but it wasn't ****. 100 mill on opening weekend

That doesn't mean diddly squat. Transformers 2 probably made even more than that, and yet it was easily the worst film I've seen in the last decade. It means nothing. All it proves is that there are loads of people who pay to see anything showing (including myself in the case of the aforementioned Bay atrocity). People complain that Hollywood keeps churning out brainless crap; well the fact that people keep paying to see that brainless crap is the reason why they keep sticking to these ridiculous formulas. I'm not going to be one of those people contributing to it this time around.

Call me a snooty booty, or whatever you like. I just call it like I see it.

And as for disbelief, many of my favourite films are fantasy films and such. I have no problem suspending disbelief for films that deserve it. GI Joe is not one of those. There's a difference between, for example, a film like the new Star Trek which is set in space and therefore requires a suspension of disbelief from the outset (and totally succeeds in being kickass at it), and a film like GI Joe which takes place in the "near future" on our own planet, where things happen that totally and utterly defy reality to the point that it just insults your intelligence. Sinking ice? You'd have thought they'd be able to come up with a better climax than that.

Add to that a cast with the usual token moronic Wayans twat, TV-star-wannabe-film-star, and has-beens, and a storyline that follows the standard AMERICA SAVES THE DAY recipe, and you've got yourself a regular formulaic Hollywood summer blockbuster sh!tfest.

And on top of that, the effects work in this film is absolutely abysmal.

[dammit]

That doesn't mean diddly squat. Transformers 2 probably made even more than that, and yet it was easily the worst film I've seen in the last decade. ....

I liked Transformers 2. No, scratch that, loved Transformers 2.

But, I'll decide how I feel when I've seen GI for myself.

[Miktar]

I adored Transformers 2, it's one of my favorite movies this year, along with Star Trek, Watchmen and yes, even G-Force.

I guess we now know what movies you don't like, onona. Case closed, mystery solved. Move along people, enjoy your movies, or don't, whatever. :P

(Incidentally, I have not seen Drag Me To Hell, I have no interest in seeing it - I know it's not my type of movie. Perhaps you should consider what types of movies are not 'your' types, instead of just writing them off as **** because *you* don't like them, then move all data around to make it sound like if you don't like it, it *must* be crap that only total fools could like, yadda, etc).

My opinion on the movie has been noted, as has yours, and I'm sure the rest of the people here can make up their own minds. But for those people who know me and seem to have similar tastes, G.I. Joe was awesome.

[onona]

it *must* be crap that only total fools could like, yadda, etc).

Words into my mouth. You're putting them.

I thought the whole point of forums was to post your oppinions without people sh!ting their pants about it.

Incidentally, I can't wait to see G-Force, simply for the cute factor.

[Miktar]

and a storyline that follows the standard AMERICA SAVES THE DAY recipe, and you've got yourself a regular formulaic Hollywood summer blockbuster sh!tfest.

I do have one thing to say, though. This is like complaining that Captain America has a red-white-and-blue costume.

It's G.I. Joe. If you didn't know that AMERICA SAVES THE DAY in a movie about G. I. ****ING. JOE, then I honestly am at a loss for words.

http://clip2net.com/clip/m0/1249920911-clip-14kb.jpg

http://clip2net.com/clip/m0/1249921011-clip-44kb.jpg

THE ULTIMATE WEAPON OF DEMOCRACY!

http://clip2net.com/clip/m0/1249921087-clip-64kb.jpg

The More You Know.

http://clip2net.com/clip/m0/1249920858-clip-16kb.jpg

(and the ice sank because it had chunks of metal attached to it, I saws it with my own eyes).

As for suspension of disbelief - American Superheroes in Power Armour save the world from Supervillains with metal-melting missiles and mind-controlled armies.... What disbelief is there to suspend? This is future-history! (It's a ******* 80s comic book, you're not supposed to nitpick it's reality, you're supposed to oogle the laser pew pews and rampant destruction of Paris, silly. "It's candy - it doesn't have to have a point, that's why it's candy".

It's a live-action cartoon. A ninja, infiltrates an underground super-secret military base using a drill, steals a nanotech missile, then escapes in a jetpack. It's a cartoon.

[Miktar]

Words into my mouth. You're putting them.

I thought the whole point of forums was to post your oppinions without people sh!ting their pants about it.

Incidentally, I can't wait to see G-Force, simply for the cute factor.

Fair enough, just noting on your inflection. And yes, I posted my opinion, then you shat your panties about it, all agahast. You started it :P You could have just said 'meh, I dun like it'. ;)

As for G-Force, I saw it in 3-D. There is a scene involving fireworks, and SUV, and hamsters in hamsterballs, that I believe with all my heart, is the finest moment in cinematic history.

[Domanskip]

I adored Transformers 2, it's one of my favorite movies this year, along with Star Trek, Watchmen and yes, even G-Force.

I guess we now know what movies you don't like, onona. Case closed, mystery solved. Move along people, enjoy your movies, or don't, whatever. :P

(Incidentally, I have not seen Drag Me To Hell, I have no interest in seeing it - I know it's not my type of movie. Perhaps you should consider what types of movies are not 'your' types, instead of just writing them off as **** because *you* don't like them, then move all data around to make it sound like if you don't like it, it *must* be crap that only total fools could like, yadda, etc).

My opinion on the movie has been noted, as has yours, and I'm sure the rest of the people here can make up their own minds. But for those people who know me and seem to have similar tastes, G.I. Joe was awesome.

I haven't seen the film but in regards to movies in general, there are objective factors that are immune to personal preference. Crappy visual effects are crappy visual effects. Bad acting is bad acting. Some people have the ability to identify these objective qualities and express the facts of the matter, some aren't.

If you aren't one of these people, then sure you may enjoy the movie, but it doesn't make it a 'good' movie.

[Miktar]

The acting wasn't bad, it was passable-to-good. The acting wasn't the reason you see a movie like this anyway. The visual effects were NOT crappy. The movie achieved what it set out to do.

But don't you dare put absolutes on things like opinions about visuals and acting, Domainskip. You're smarter than that.

(Note: Some of the most 'acclaimed' 'learned' critics who apparently 'know' what it good and bad acting or visual effects, are still divided over some of the most classic moves of all times, like A Space Oddyssey 2001, A Clockwork Orange, etc. So don't presume to think that you can know, and not know, what good and bad acting is. It's all subjective.)

If I don't feel my money was wasted going to see a movie, I would think that qualifies it as a good movie in all subjective terms, in the context of it was my time and my money.

[onona]

It's G.I. Joe. If you didn't know that AMERICA SAVES THE DAY in a movie about G. I. ****ING. JOE, then I honestly am at a loss for words.

My point is that I am bored of these formulas, not that it was something about this film specifically. It would be nice to see a summer blockbuster that breaks away from this, for once.


(and the ice sank because it had chunks of metal attached to it, I saws it with my own eyes).

Yeah, comparatively tiny chunks of metal that would barely have altered the flotation capability of the much larger chunks of ice. Let's not kid ourselves here. It's a ludicrous climax. Then again, it's Stephen Sommers.

Look, as you already said, clearly you and I have very different taste in films. I don't know why you're getting so uppity about it. You already said you don't give a rat's ass about what I think, and yet you're repeatedly posting to tear my opinions apart. If you don't give a rat's ass, then ignore my posts.

[onona]

Fair enough, just noting on your inflection. And yes, I posted my opinion, then you shat your panties about it, all agahast. You started it :P You could have just said 'meh, I dun like it'. ;)

Shat my panties? You read way too much emotion into my posts. I think the entire concept of this film is hilariously terrible. Saying "meh, I dun like it" couldn't possibly have expressed what I wanted to express. You should know by now how much I enjoy a good ramble.


As for G-Force, I saw it in 3-D. There is a scene involving fireworks, and SUV, and hamsters in hamsterballs, that I believe with all my heart, is the finest moment in cinematic history.

I think they showed part of that in the trailer, and indeed it looks fantastic. I'll have to go watch it in 3D as well.

[Miktar]

Fweh, fine. When you get to **** on other people's opinions for fun, it's fair game, but when I get to have some fun with G.I. Joe images, you tell me to call it quits. Spoilsport. :P

I *don't* care what you think about the movie - if you like it or not, it's not going to change my opinion on it. I'm not tearing your opinions apart either, I'm *highlighting* what I find insanely funny about those opinions, in the context of the movie.

Granted, the 'america saves all' summer blockbuster formula IS old, but this was G. I. Joe. Nitpicking it for THAT, really struck me as just you *wanting* to hate it because you don't like it, not because it's a ****ty movie, which it's not. :P

Looking through the GI Joe comics now, I'm amazed at how remarkably /reserved/ the movie ended up being, considering how obscenely out-there the original subject matter was... Go figure.

I'm not uppity Onona, I'm procrastinating from work and having some fun. You're not the only one who can do that. ;)

[Miktar]

Shat my panties? You read way too much emotion into my posts. I think the entire concept of this film is hilariously terrible. Saying "meh, I dun like it" couldn't possibly have expressed what I wanted to express. You should know by now how much I enjoy a good ramble.

Okay, I'll give you that. And you're reading too much emotion into my posts too. So I'll call it fair game, if you will. :P

[onona]

So I'll call it fair game, if you will. :P

Agreed :P
We can also both agree that Star Trek and Watchmen kicked all kinds of ass. Moar blockbusters like that, plz.

[Miktar]

If I have to suffer a 100 ****ty blockbusters to ensure that something like Watchmen gets the funding to get made, I WILL SUFFER GLADLY.

[dislekcia]

ITT:

"I liked this movie!"
"This movie is crap!"
"Whyfor?"
"I dun like it"
"Orite"
"It has mudkips"
"Orite, I likes mudkips"
"Mudkips are schtupud"
"Mudkips, gleeeeee!" *image macros*
"Orite"
"Yarly"
"Still dun like it"
"Sokay, mudkips"

[Chippit]

ITT:

"I liked this movie!"
"This movie is crap!"
"Whyfor?"
"I dun like it"
"Orite"
"It has mudkips"
"Orite, I likes mudkips"
"Mudkips are schtupud"
"Mudkips, gleeeeee!" *image macros*
"Orite"
"Yarly"
"Still dun like it"
"Sokay, mudkips"
"f.ags."
You missed one.

[vii]

ITT:

"I liked this movie!"
"This movie is crap!"
"Whyfor?"
"I dun like it"
"Orite"
"It has mudkips"
"Orite, I likes mudkips"
"Mudkips are schtupud"
"Mudkips, gleeeeee!" *image macros*
"Orite"
"Yarly"
"Still dun like it"
"Sokay, mudkips"

^5

[pArkEr]

I originally wasn't going to see this (almost Ramadaan), but I might go see it on Saturday. Me and my cousins were huge fans when we were younger, we felt like 6-year-olds again when the trailer played before Harry Potter. Can't for the love of me remember anything about it though, plot, characters, villains, nothing. Been a long time.
Also, big Wayans fan. Never thought I'd see him in this sort of movie.

[Octavianus]

I originally wasn't going to see this (almost Ramadaan), but I might go see it on Saturday. Me and my cousins were huge fans when we were younger, we felt like 6-year-olds again when the trailer played before Harry Potter. Can't for the love of me remember anything about it though, plot, characters, villains, nothing. Been a long time.
Also, big Wayans fan. Never thought I'd see him in this sort of movie.

Wayans has fans?0_0
Imagine that....

Anyway, this movie was horribly put together imo, it might have had redeeming features, but I couldn't get passed the god-awful acting to see team.
It was just a bucket full of B-grade fail in my opinion.
Though it may also have something to do with the fact that the nostalgia element is lacking with me, as I never really watched G.I. Joe.

[TiNRiB]

I wasn't going to see this either, the trailer really looked terrible. But I guess anything that gets Miktar's stamp of approval should be worth seeing.

Oh, and Wayans bros. wasnt always terrible..

[pArkEr]

I don't think they were terrible, just that their brand of comedy is a bit different. I enjoyed White Chicks, even though it was a terrible movie, and Scary Movie 3 is my favourite of the series. They make me laugh and I don't care what anybody else thinks, that's all that matters.
Marlon is also my favourite of the brothers btw. Long live Shorty!

[phreak]

Saw it last night.... it was...ok.... not bad, not good... just so incredbly average.
The accelarator suits were pretty lame.

[x-scon]

The accelarator suits were pretty lame.
Let me guess : You also thought that "OMGWTFASAPETC Crysis was the bestest best thing ever!"? What about that uber-suit? Was it also lame?

[onona]

Let me guess : You also thought that "OMGWTFASAPETC Crysis was the bestest best thing ever!"? What about that uber-suit? Was it also lame?

wut.

[KalMaverick]

I must say I enjoyed G.I. Joe ALOT... It was fun and interesting and although its just skiet, skop en donder (is that right?) it was still fun.

As a side note I only paid R12.50 for it so I really dont care if it was **** or cheesy haha its only R12.50.

I also enjoyed Transformers 2 although be it the same as the above just with more metal (only barely) for me it was better than the first one and even better it was only R12.

I think the problem is people either expect too much or want it to be groundbreaking revolutionary, when for me its just 2 hours having fun.

I also enjoyed watchmen and star trek I thought it was brilliant, G-Force I didnt watch though because I don't really enjoy animated movies like that (not that I say its for kids or childish or whatever, I just dont like them. Nemo, etc)

Oh and how lame of me I didnt even see that twist coming with the doctor...

But all in all it was fun and I enjoyed it and was really worth the R12.50 spent on it.

[Takiro]

I was at the movies the other day, Wanted to see Harry Potter. I felt this disgust when I was there. Transformers 2 was out, Did the first like just come out last year? And G.I Joe? Wow, I nearly laughed when I saw the posters. It seems the ratio of decent films to poo has gone a bit messy. :(

[KalMaverick]

I saw Harry Potter it felt so short for such a long movie, I liked it alot.

I decided after that to finally read the last book... Now that was disappointing.

[phreak]

Let me guess : You also thought that "OMGWTFASAPETC Crysis was the bestest best thing ever!"? What about that uber-suit? Was it also lame?

Never played Crysis, I suck at FPS games. They had those suits in there too?
I'm way to much of a jrpg addict. Want enemies to give a turn to attack XD. lol.

Anyway about the suits. It just felt like they were jammed into the movie for no reason. It actually ruined the chase scene for me. I just feel that the Joe's who are suppost to be the best of the best, would be badass enough to take these guys down with only their extreme training and battle experience. The suits took away all the tension from the scene for me.
"gasp!" how will they survive the battle!!?? Oh wait they have suits that let them jump through trains and get hit by cars without feeling a thing.

Thinking now to myself... I actually really hated this movie. For not one moment was I exited by any of the fight scenes, the dialog and writing was horrible.

But maby I'm just an overly
nostalgic fan who doesn't want to see his childhood heroes changed.

Either way, this is my opinion, feel free to disagree. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go watch the trailer to district 9 again.

[FTB_Screamer]

I loved the effects, the cheesy yet appropriate script THAT ****ING FOLLOWS THE MARVEL COMICS ALMOST TO THE LETTER

Speaking of following a comic book to the letter? Has anyone seen Spirit? Its like a moving comic book :-)

[DukeOFprunes]

I found the movie predictable (knew who the evil scientist guy was, knew what Zartan was going to be used for, etc), unoriginal and camp. In short, I loved it. It near-perfectly captured the spirit of the saturday morning cartoon.

There were bits the movie could have done without:
- The car chase through Paris. The Baroness was conveniently saved by their readily available air vehicle. They could have flown in, destroyed Paris and left while tweedleduke and tweedlewayans get eaten alive by nanomites inside their accelerator suits: job done.
- "You and what army?" "This one that just conveniently appeared from THIN AIR (or in this case, WATER)". Silly ending.
- Arnold Vosloo's lekker afrikaans accent. HAHA!

For all this, the movie just didn't feel as broken as Transformers 2 and thank the Good Lord, no forced humour.

Also: I <3 the Norton ad placement, made a LOL.

[Dare2Blink]

I haven?t seen GI Joe yet, but after seeying the trailler there is very little chance that the movie will be anything more than lame. Even if you take away the obvious facts that the story is ridiculous and acting passable at best, the thing that really turned me off were the special effects that don?t look convincing at all to me. Watchmen and StarTrek were awesome and harry potter was also very good indeed.

Looking forward to Sherlock Holmes and the many game-inspired movies that are in the making (even though most of them will inevitably be bad)

[Dare2Blink]

Speaking of following a comic book to the letter? Has anyone seen Spirit? Its like a moving comic book :-)

Spirit was one of the biggest disappointments and worst movies ever made, EVER, right next to Dragon ball z evolution

[DynaC4mite]

I found the movie incredibly boring, which is strange since i normally love all the special effects **** in these type of movies.. Would not recommend people watch it unless they are a fan of the cartoon or comics...

[echo]

I've never seen either the cartoon or read any of the comics and I absolutely loved the movie. Some lines were cheesy, but the action was good and the special effects awesome, so I would recommend it for a brainless, fun night out. I also liked Transformers 2, so my "taste" may be a little off.

[Bonezmann]

I thought Transformers was awesome, right up until Optimus got the SUPERZOMWMASSIVECOOLUPGRADE. That ruined everything...

I'm going to see G.I Joe on sunday and then Fired up(Yes, Fire up) after that, will post afterwards.

[FTB_Screamer]

Saw it the other night, wasn't so bad. A good, skop skiet en donder.