To come out as a gamer is still to risk looking a social n00b

[Gammaray]

Josh and I settle down to a strangely orange-looking vegetable casserole in the staff canteen. I can tell something's been troubling him.

"So Jack, I'd been meaning to ask you. Are you, like, really into computer games?"

"I suppose so."

He takes a moment to consider this.

"What, as much as Henry?"

Henry, a mutual friend, spends maybe an evening a week on his Xbox 360. He doesn't use Xbox Live. He owns maybe half a dozen games.

"Uh, yes."

"Wow. I had no idea."

You've probably had a few interchanges like this in your life. Bemused by another, similarly aged human being's ignorance of your gaming habits, or the look of disgust on their face as you casually drop the term "pwnage" into a sentence.

It made me realise that, as something I spend far more time doing than playing squash, watching football, going to the pub – more socially acceptable hobbies – gaming is something I barely ever talk about.

It's the same for my friends. Even in each other's company we'll lower our voices to conspiratorial whispers when admitting that, rather than spending our weekends at a beer festival or going to look at some fancy pictures in an "art gallery" we pulled the blinds, heaved the sofa a couple of feet nearer to the TV and lay in our own filth for 30 straight hours, pausing only to urinate or check online to find the exact location of the rare Fallout 3 alien blaster gun.

For the non-gamers, the consoleless Others, there's still something strangely distasteful about a grown man investing such time and energy into a seemingly unproductive activity. The distaste leads to secrecy, secrecy leads to shame. Almost 30 years on from the first home computers mesmerising a generation of quiet young men, is it fair that the stigma still exists?

Video games probably shouldn't take precedence over going out or more productive activities, such as learning Cantonese, but as something to fill downtime when you are relaxing at home I can't think of any inherently superior activity.

How many books, TV shows or films have rewarded you as much as your most cherished games? Looking back on a life I can demarcate via a succession of consoles, the positives easily outweigh the negatives.

OK, so there's the fact that many of my teenage memories consist of playing Championship Manager in my bedroom. This is not going to look great in my memoirs. But I've developed excellent computer skills, I've learned about teamwork and competitiveness in a way the sportingly challenged never previously could and, most importantly, I've gained an unrivalled knowledge of Scandinavian under-21 footballers from the late 1990s that is sure to prove invaluable eventually.

As gaming becomes more and more of a socially accepted activity with the wide-ranging appeal of the Wii and Guitar Hero games, we can hope that attitudes will change. Perhaps in a few years' time when asked by a colleague what I got up to at the weekend, I will feel confident answering "Super Mario Galaxy", rather than making something up.

Back to the casserole, and Josh resumes his line of questioning. This time, there's a distinct look of concern in his eyes.

"It's not like you play World of Warcraft though, right?"

What? Really? In the '90s yeah, but still?
Now i don't go shouting out to the world's strangers about every single detail of my gaming experience, but when i hear someone heading towards that topic, i join in; or if some inquires about it, i gladly share. I have found reactions and comments to be rather normal.
Any of you experienced it?

Linky (http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2009/oct/21/video-game-stigma)

[Azimuth]

Maybe I just hang out with cool people, but ... well, we all kinda play games.

[MarryO+LewyG]

I lie often, even to people i’m close with, just so I don’t have to explain what I’m doing or deal with any stereotypes.

Gaming is like homosexuality if you’re dealing with backwards/certain people.

I’ve also found between new gamers meeting up, there’s always that conversation where you probe what degree you’re “into” games. That can lead to many a lol.

In my SA life it’s mainly like, while playing fifa, “So you play anything besides fifa or halo? Streetfighter?”

“Like from the 90’s? Na”

“Just put in halo...”

Or after five minutes of anything unfamiliar or difficult like gears 2 for a PC gamer.

“oh this sucks, need a mouse, back to fifa/wii”

Blur is my only hope on the horizon for new gaming with mates in a relatively fresh field.

overseas, i had alot more opened minded, mainly due to prolonged drug use, friends who would sit down and give any game a serious go.

[Azimuth]

Dude, that's pretty ****ing terrible. :|

[dammit]

All my friends know I'm a nerd, but I talk to my gaming friends about gaming, and my other friends about other stuff. Guess I just compartmentalise.

[CrashHelmut]

Unfortunately, in my group of friends, I'd say less than 10% of us play games. So usually when we see each other at a party and want to chat a bit about some game we happen to be playing/plan to get we usually go off to the side and chat in hushed tones. Heh.

And if caught out we're usually chided for being anti-social. It's not that my friends are *******s, it's just that they'd prefer to chat about something that they're also interested in.

However, the situation has improved vastly over the years as gaming in SA has become more "mainstream" (for lack of a better word).

[brazed]

Many friends, many are gamers and many aren't. Everyone knows I'm a gamer, I wear that badge proudly, but it's hardly the only thing I do or which I can talk about.

[Mikit0707]

I'm with dammit on this one: all of my friends know I'm a massive geek, but my really good friends are all gamers as well. This doesn't mean I'm incapable of having a conversation with somebody who isn't into gaming. I may never remember said conversation, but you know. :)

[Aesir]

All my friends know I'm a gamer, I have even gotten a few of them to play games and like it. But even though we lan every other weekend we still do social things. If I go to my friends house I bring my pc we play a little then we go out and fratrenize with other people, no biggie.

The only time someone has ever looked at me funny about gaming was when I told them I play WoW. But I couldn't really give a fudge.

As M+L said, especially at university I talked to a lot of people like that, anything more than halo or soccer is pure satanism to them, they will play but avoid some games in order not to be associated with "Geeks". And not to mention they see a PC as satan himself, sad really that social pressure can sway you so much that you loose out on so much fun. Their loss.

[onona]

Whoever wrote this kinda sounds like a drama queen imagining a non-existent issue so he can feel speshul.

:/

[ioiiooio]

It's like most have pointed out, gamers are more widely accepted now, but there is still a difference between someone who occasionally plays Halo with their buddies, and a full-blown WoW addict. The Wow addict is seen as an anti-social geek. I can't say that I disagree with that viewpoint entirely. I like to think that I'm somewhere in-between and that I keep it well-balanced.

Recently my friends sister told me that I'm always playing games, she says I'm like a hermit and that I never go out. That simply isn't true. I don't go out every-single-weekend, sure, but I've mostly grown out of that anyways. I'm certainly no hermit. I think what she misunderstands is that she thinks I'm forfeiting my social life just so that I can stay at home and play games - that might be true sometimes if I have a new, particularly awesome, game (although I won't miss a special occasion just for a game), but for the most part I'm not going out because I don't want to go out, from there I decide what to do with my time at home. Most people watch movies or TV if they decide to stay at home for the weekend, I play games - I don't see how that makes me anti-social. Heck, most of the time I play with a buddy so it's quite the opposite actually. I cannot stand half the trash that's on TV and games engage the mind in ways TV or movies can't.

[george]

I have zero gamer friends. I like to refer to my gaming as "gaming in isolation".

One does get a couple of strange looks in a non-gaming group when answering how you plan on spending an ideal weekend. I actually get really uncomfortable when asked questions about gaming by these uncivilised folk, so I usually avoid talking about it at all.

Luckily my girlfriend also started playing games. So now I at least have a co-op partner and someone to share my hobby with.

[wisp]

I get a lot a flak from ppl who ask me what a guy my age is doing playing games . My standard reply i would rather be gaming than doing what most 40/50 year old guys that i know are doing and that is either spending there life in bars chasing 20 year old barmaids while making sure that there false teeth dont fall in there beer or sitting around waiting for the boeps to get smaller so that they can see there feet again for the first time in 10 years.

I am a gamer and proud of it

[Necro101]

I can honestly say I have never had theses issues, I'm surprised that they still exist.

[Cleric]

I've got about as many gaming friends as non-gaming friends. But when they come round to my place for a braai/drinks and Guitar Hero/Rock Band gets put on, EVERYONE BECOMES A GAMER \m/ !

[Wight]

I've got about as many gaming friends as non-gaming friends. But when they come round to my place for a braai/drinks and Guitar Hero/Rock Band gets put on, EVERYONE BECOMES A GAMER \m/ !

*pines*

[Domanskip]

I'm a WoW addict I guess. I'm a guild master, raid 4 days a week etc. It's a dirty little secret really. I tell very few of my real-life friends. I like to think I experience life however. I watch the newest movies, play loads of other games and go out when I feel like it.

I'm happy with that balance. I'm happy to have a friend pool online who I can share the more 'obsessive' side of my gaming personality with and I'm happy to have the more social pool of friends with whom I can discuss the other facets of gaming and life.

One other thing, I find that a relationship over the internet can be just as fulfilling as one in real life and I ****ing hate the idea of devaluing a friendship because its 'through a screen'.

[Azimuth]

One other thing, I find that a relationship over the internet can be just as fulfilling as one in real life and I ****ing hate the idea of devaluing a friendship because its 'through a screen'.

Totally agreed. I've made some really, really good friends online.

[Graal]

The problem is, most people accept gamers, but there's always one @sshole who doesn't and wants to let everybody know just what an ******* you are for playing games. Then the people who previously accepted you will rather side with that @sshole than you, for fear of being labeled as well. It's just the way life works. Unfortunately, for most teenagers, it is still labeled as shameful to play videogames instead of spending an entire day drinking with people you don''t really like at some houseparty in a suburb you've never even heard of before.

[goleastro]

Hi i am a gamer, and i am proud to be one.. Many years ago as a little kid (10) my mom used to say that 'i will soon grow out of gaming', my friends also gave me the slight skew eye for gaming, so it made me very excited for the day for me to loose my enthusiasm in games.

The years went by, and in fact instead of loosing interest, i gained interest as i could finally play games rated 13. A few more years went by, and i was soon able to play games rated 16-17 and here i am still today, gaming as happily as ever.


Well anyways i sadly only have 2 gaming buddies in my circle of friends, and we usually just whisper behind everyone when talking bout gaming. My circle of friends know that i am a gamer, but i dont talk to them about gaming. I talk 'nerd' language to my gaming fellows and hardcore mountain biking/surfing with my non-gaming buddies. I still participate in surfing (boadyboarding), mountan biking, aswell as gaming. I'm invited to all house parties, and i mange to make all my schools sports teams. And if someone chirps me about gaming/being nerdy i chirp them back which usually shuts them up and gives me respect. So the lable 'geek' in my school no longer exists. I have even got one of my friends (bmx'er) hooked into cod4 lan, he now has it on what i call 'his crappy pc' and i go lanning at his house.

Lifes good as a gamer with a social life.



Now that i have read through this.... It kinda looks more like my own life story, sorry :/.

[dammit]

Having given it some thought, I'd say the only people I'm vaguely apprehensive about entering any discussion on gaming with are people of my parents generation and my sister. Not that this bothers me, just an observation.

[Cyberninja]

Maybe I just hang out with cool people, but ... well, we all kinda play games.

Same.

Most of my friends play games. And even the ones that don't play, have no problems with us doing so. I mean, why should they? Gaming is just another hobby. Like watching movies, playing sports..etc. To me, it's just another form of entertainment. Certainly not something to be ashamed of.

But yeah, maybe I'm just surrounded by really cool people.

[Graal]

Having given it some thought, I'd say the only people I'm vaguely apprehensive about entering any discussion on gaming with are people of my parents generation and my sister. Not that this bothers me, just an observation.

Don't worry, me too. It seems my parents just hit a blank whenever they here the word games. I guess it's just a generation thing.

[pArkEr]

I don't know about you guys but gaming is pretty much a part of the culture at my school. Almost all of my friends are gamers, one group only talks about games and anime at breaks. There aren't any "popular" or nerdy kids, everyone's friends. Weird school huh?

I remember last year in English, me and a friends were discussing new games. Two girls overheard us and one asked if we'd played Crysis. I wanted to cry T_T

[Bonezmann]

I don't know about you guys but gaming is pretty much a part of the culture at my school. Almost all of my friends are gamers, one group only talks about games and anime at breaks. There aren't any "popular" or nerdy kids, everyone's friends. Weird school huh?

I remember last year in English, me and a friends were discussing new games. Two girls overheard us and one asked if we'd played Crysis. I wanted to cry T_T

Wow. Just, wow...

Every single person I know knows I'm a gamer, and I have absolutely no shame in the fact that most of the time I am a "hermit". The people at my work accept this except this one lady constantly saying "Games make kids kill people" "Games make you violent" etc etc etc, the rest are really supportive of my hobby. Another lady even asked to look at the cover of "The Burning Crusade" when I bought it, and kindly mentioned that you can go up to level 70.

edit: Also, about 80% of my friends are friends I met online...

[wir]

The problem is, most people accept gamers, but there's always one @sshole who doesn't and wants to let everybody know just what an ******* you are for playing games. Then the people who previously accepted you will rather side with that @sshole than you, for fear of being labeled as well. It's just the way life works. Unfortunately, for most teenagers, it is still labeled as shameful to play videogames instead of spending an entire day drinking with people you don''t really like at some houseparty in a suburb you've never even heard of before.
This, unfortunately.


Don't worry, me too. It seems my parents just hit a blank whenever they here the word games. I guess it's just a generation thing.
Heh, my mom finished The Witcher and both STALKER games before me, and my dad played Call of Cthulu before me.


Azimuth: I have a sore throat from TF2 earlier, :p

[KaosLord]

Pretty much all of my friends are gamers so it's all good.

TF2 tonight was lulz.

[Wesley]

I'm fortunate in that I have really cool parents. They both try out games we suggest, and my mom even played and finished Prince of Persia (with 1001 light seeds), God Of War 2 and Fallout3 before I had a chance to get anywhere. They both see gaming as a way of spending time together and having old-fashioned fun, and they're slowly expanding their genres a bit. My brother and I grew up liking the same games, which is a great help, and every single friend I have, and this includes girlfriends as well, have played games or could be labeled as an addict when playing their favourite genre or franchise.

At school, the term "geek" didn't really exist, but for people like me who were good with computers, cellphones, hi-fi setups and recording equipment, it was fun because often the teachers would ask for our help. Often, because I'd already read through the textbook out of boredom, I would correct my Computer Studies teacher and people would say, "thats cool"; they wouldn't shun me like this poor twit who wrote the article is.

And its fortunate that I have very open-minded friends, because I have introduced them to games and shown them how rewarding it can become. The kick when you defeat Ares, the adrenaline high you feel after racing on the Nurburiging straight, the emptiness you feel when Fallout3's storyline draws to a close are all things I believe noone should live without. The WOW-gamer stereotype is still there, but I haven't had to deal with it yet, probably because people now realize that gaming is a hobby, one just as involving (and with the ability to completely destroy your social life after a particular game release) as, say, building model planes, cars, and boats.

[Squid]

Unfortunately many gamers are social noobs. Although, that doesn't have much to do with their gaming.

[Miktar]

Whoever wrote this kinda sounds like a drama queen imagining a non-existent issue so he can feel speshul.

:/

QFE

[ioiiooio]

It's like most have pointed out, gamers are more widely accepted now, but there is still a difference between someone who occasionally plays Halo with their buddies, and a full-blown WoW addict. The Wow addict is seen as an anti-social geek. I can't say that I disagree with that viewpoint entirely. I like to think that I'm somewhere in-between and that I keep it well-balanced.


Oh, just wanted to point out that I don't automatically think anyone who plays WoW is an adddict - that is a stereotype which I'm sure many people resent - but you do get some guys who are really bad.

[CrashHelmut]

Whoever wrote this kinda sounds like a drama queen imagining a non-existent issue so he can feel speshul.

:/


QFE
I disagree.

This little anecdotal tale does have a lot of parallels to my situation. And it does get to me some times, having a hobby (which is by far my biggest hobby) and not having many close friends to share this with.

Does this make me a drama queen? But daaahling, I am speshul!

[wrathex]

I don't know anyone in my peer group who games. I stand alone.

Other women (and most men) are slightly frightened of me, and I have not managed
to make any friends in that direction (middle aged - my age lol)

Fortunately there are 4 gamers within my own family. My son 16, daughter 22 and spouse are also
gamers, though my son and I are the two hardcore gamers.

As you can imagine I don't fit into the mould for my peergroup (never did), I am lonely, don't have many friends, but anyway, let's face it, if you had to choose between a dull evening with narrowminded peeps or gaming.

I simply don't have anything in common with most folks my age.

I had to hear repeatedly through the years, how my son was going to turn into a mass serial killer when we played Quake. ( he was 4 then, and going for 17 now), of course he didn't, in fact he kicked dust in the eyes of every other child academically & emotionally, and walked off with the science and maths prizes to their dismay.)

I rarely mention that I'm a gamer, but all the wired friends of my kids, are always in awe when they enter our home and find me creeping through the grass with a sniper rifle.

[onona]

I disagree.

This little anecdotal tale does have a lot of parallels to my situation. And it does get to me some times, having a hobby (which is by far my biggest hobby) and not having many close friends to share this with.

Does this make me a drama queen? But daaahling, I am speshul!

But his main complaint is not about having a lot of friends that don't play games. He's complaining about being judged for his interests, and I think this is largely imagined. At least half of my friends are not remotely into gaming, but I've never sat around obsessing over whether or not they're judging me for it.

[McDangerous]

Well, back in the day in High School, none of my friends played games, and telling them about NFS Underground 2 I just finished at another friends house (because according to my dad, all games have viruses on, even ones you buy... Luckily his opinion has changed) is the same as telling them about the (then) new Trivium album, Ascendancy. They didn't care.

Luckily, with my new varsity group of friends, we're a well balanced group. Some of us are hardcore into games (and talk about it and hardware 90% of the time) and some of us aren't. We all hear each other out and take interest in each other's hobbies, 'coz that's what friends are kinda supposed to do!

Especially in Afrikaans culture I've found that most boertjies laaik vokkol van daai game goed. Hulle gan suip eder by die dros. Lekker kwaai bra. Want goed weet van die wereld buiten sport maak jou 'n sissy mos. I've never been a fan of ignorance and people that don't feel the need to broaden their horizons.

Douchebags

[dislekcia]

Unfortunately many gamers are social noobs. Although, that doesn't have much to do with their gaming.

This.

Feeling like you have to fit in socially instead of just being comfortable with who you are and what you enjoy is a recipe for this sort of lament. It's the future be a gamer :)

There is one funny thing that happens though: Often when I self-identify as a total geek, I get people telling me "No, no you're not a geek! Don't take names to yourself!" then I explain that geek is a cool thing ;)

[FEN1X]

I announced to my grade at valedictory today that Im going to study game design at UCT next year, the general response was "Wow, thats so cool", so I believe the times are a changing.

[SC(+)PE]

My whole family, parents included, and most of my peers and friends are gamers. My girlfriend too, which is a big win.

But i have had a similar experience. Friends and I were lolling over a quake session on the university's computers when we were told by a fellow first year student, a "lady" in her late twenties, how immature and backwards we all were for doing something that was created for little boys. The personal attack came as a bit of a shock but we outnumbered her :) so we argued with logic and stuff till she gave up in frustration :)

These people do exist, but I've only met the one.

[Miktar]

The question is, should you /care/ what someone thinks of your gaming? Answer: no. If they want to see you as "socially inept", they'll find a way to do it, regardless if you're a gamer or not.

Do you like or dislike rugby, do you like or dislike <insert music genre here>, do you like or dislike <insert movie genre here>, do you like or dislike <insert actor name here>, do you like or dislike <insert country here>.

This has nothing to do with gaming, but rather about social attitudes. Giving a **** that someone looks down at you because you say you game, is like giving a **** that someone looks down on you because you say you like to wank, or pet a puppy, or support your local charity, or laugh at someone on youtube for being a dumbass, or drink Mountain Dew, or Beer over Vodka, etc, etc, etc.

It's a non-issue, until you /make/ it one by giving a crap what other people think of you.

[Obi Two Kenobi]

I live in a small town and here, everyone knows a gamer. The people here don't seem to care that much if you are into gaming or not. You are still accepted anywhere.

Me and my gaming friends are still social and the ones we socialize with don't hold our hobbies against us in some or other way. We can all come together and play some PS3 or Wii or whatever. Anyone can join in and no-one will make a personal issue about it.

Maybe this is just the case because we all know each other in our community and therefore accept each other more... easily, if you could say that.

[goleastro]

Kinda on this topic:

I walked past two gym-finatic bodybuilders at school today (who think that everything is about starting fights to show who's boss), and i over heard 10 words or so and you will never guess what they said.

The on was talking about "comes with night vision goggles.......... Can't wait..."

And the other said "PC.... Quad prossesor.... 2x 9600's."

Man was i shocked to be hearing this from these two. The last two in the school that i would expect to here this from. I just wanted to jump right into their conversation, but 1. They are a year older than me (my school is all about respect.etc) and 2. I was late for class.

Now this experience has truly showed me that my school has completely lost most forms of the label "geek" or "nerd" and that even the "Cool Boys" of the school can be into gaming ane kinda know there hardware.