Online Relationships [Not Dating per se]

[dammit]

Because I think this topic of discussion is particularly relevant to most of us and rather interesting to discuss (and see others' views on the subject) I'm grabbing it out of another thread:

I don't think you have nearly enough experience with me personally to say that with any confidence whatsoever.

I'm still genuinely convinced that no-one is really different on the Internet. You can't be who you aren't.

[As a reply to Azi's post] So you're different during rAge? I dunno. I'd say that, having experienced the you-entity via more than one medium, Squid or anyone else that's met you in person - however briefly - can indeed comment on how you come across in either. You don't come across the same way IRL, very few people do.

You feeling that Squid knows you well enough or not doesn't really enter into it. Sucks being internet-visible ;)

[As a reply to Chippit's post]I disagree. I think certain personality types are incredibly different via the internet than in person. Every communication medium has different significances. Sure, some people try really hard to be the same everywhere, others revel in the ability to NOT be who they are elsewhere.

See, this is my point. At the point where you get to know someone well enough, you realise that while different personality traits may show more readily in one or other medium, it's still a true representation of the person - if only a part of them. Which kinda shows that you'll never know all of someone until you've communicated with them in different ways.

Personally, remembering that humans are dynamic creatures not easily summed up in a few sentences or ideas or perceptions, I think it comes down to context. Around certain people (online and in real life) I act differently given my relationship with them. How true a representation of me my online friends can gain from this, I don't know, and how honest an image I have of them I can't say until I've met them in person.

There's a lot of subtleties of personality that you just can't share online.

[Azimuth]

Here's the thing - some people here have met me in person, and gamed with me online, and are saying I'm different there somehow.

I'd like to point out that, on this forum, I'm not constantly arguing with everyone. If anyone wants to go through my last 100 posts, how many of them are completely benign comments on stuff about games and whatnot? Oh, that's right - most of them.

I'll also point out that, those of you who have met me in person (etc.) have probably not gotten yourselves into any sort of heated debate with me.

So how on earth can any of you say with any authority whatsoever that I'm different in person?

[MarryO+LewyG]

*insert generic internet person + anon = ****wad theory picture*

[dammit]

Here's the thing - some people here have met me in person, and gamed with me online, and are saying I'm different there somehow.

I'd like to point out that, on this forum, I'm not constantly arguing with everyone. If anyone wants to go through my last 100 posts, how many of them are completely benign comments on stuff about games and whatnot? Oh, that's right - most of them.

I'll also point out that, those of you who have met me in person (etc.) have probably not gotten yourselves into any sort of heated debate with me.

So how on earth can any of you say with any authority whatsoever that I'm different in person?

Context :P You're more likely to get into a heated debate on a forum than in real life anyways which is why those who've never met you in person are more likely to think of you only as being argumentative (because that's what they've experienced and argumentative posts are faarrrr more memorable than benign ones.).

Truth is, no one really knows another person completely. I've lived with my parents for 21 years and yet sometimes they're surprised when I share experiences of my childhood. It's all subjective anyway. We tend to put on various "masks" (I dislike that term because I don't mean to imply any bit of falsehood) in different situations.

[<Gorilla>]

I see internet relationships as a dangerous thing, but only when it escalates to the point of meeting the person. Because you never 100% know what they are going to be like. If they are even who they say they are. Sexual predators are a really thing unfortunately. Like Bonezmann of Zom813 could be 42 year old perverts living in their folks' basement.

I'm just saying... :P

[Azimuth]

*insert generic internet person + anon = ****wad theory picture*

While I absolutely agree that this does apply to some people, I also absolutely disagree that I'm an all-out ****wad online. I might flame people occasionally, but I'm a paragon of pleasantry most of the time. And I'm exactly the same in person.

[Octavianus]

I liken online interactions to when you're drunk. It's still you, just more void if inhibitions. Before people act, they weight the possible negative and positive outcomes of their actions. Online, the negatives outcomes of being a douche appear to be significantly less. So you act like one far easier.

[Miktar]

Tough topic, if only because it's much larger than just online/offline. Look at how people "change" depending on who they're with - when they're with family, around friends, around mates or around strangers, people generally act differently based on the context they're in.

The Internet, or more specifically this forum, is all of the above happening rapidly and fluidly. A quoted reply to a friend, then a quoted reply to a stranger in the same thread, shows two faces of the same person in rapid-fire, and if you're not careful, you'll try to view it as a linear, instead of parts of a gestalt.

It's even more difficult when you don't even know the person all that well, so you can't tell which side of that person you're seeing at any given time. That's why in real life, it takes time to find your "sync" with another person, understanding who they are at any given moment or context.

I would say that everyone is prone to serious presumptions when it comes to other people, online and off. Everything else is just opinion.

I liken online interactions to when you're drunk. It's still you, just more void if inhibitions. Before people act, they weight the possible negative and positive outcomes of their actions. Online, the negatives outcomes of being a douche appear to be significantly less. So you act like one far easier.

Well, that's your rational for how you behave online. Not everyone subscribes to that idea, y'know. :P

[Azimuth]

Tough topic, if only because it's much larger than just online/offline. Look at how people "change" depending on who they're with - when they're with family, around friends, around mates or around strangers, people generally act differently based on the context they're in.

That's a very good point, actually.

[MarryO+LewyG]

While I absolutely agree that this does apply to some people, I also absolutely disagree that I'm an all-out ****wad online. I might flame people occasionally, but I'm a paragon of pleasantry most of the time. And I'm exactly the same in person.

True,

But when referring to ****wad, it’s more that one would not (as readily) treat a stranger in real as hastily and with the level of disrespect as one would had he been talking to the person in real life when debating an issue.

Cos you know they may kick you in your genitalia...

Internet social protocol, with its very rare chance of physical strikes to genetalia, allows you to be a **** with very few repercussions. Maybe those repercussions in real life keep us in check some of the time.

[Micta]

I met 2 of my best friends online... I haven't met Liberate, but I can still have a more comfortable conversation with him that almost anyone else...

And Jaime added me on Steam because he thought I was Miktar. (Lol.)
Turns out, he lives 10 minutes away and is a close clone of me.

I met Nicole at school, she moved to Cape Town, and we're still as good friends as ever.



... SoIdunno.

[Graal]

I'm a totally different person in real life. I'm actually a huge introvert, usually standing back from most confrontations, won't voice my opinion as easily, speaking mostly only if spoken to first. I think that perhaps because I am the more silent type in real life, I am almost the exact opposite on the internet.

[Adeptus]

It seems that taking away the immediacy of face to face arguments and depersonalizing them can make a person who is in real life shy though intelligent come off as being sharp and in-control. The flip side of the coin is that someone who wields their personality in a charismatic way can be seen as quite hamfisted and oafish on the internet.

With regards to gaming, I realize that sometimes I hate the points leader of the server in cod just because I'm struggling with a map. I swear at them and call there mother's sanctity in question while when I'm in the top 3 I regard the other players as retards and n00bs. I correct my viewpoint the whole time about people who I interact with online.

The point being that when you meet/interact with people on line you only show a fragment of your true personality, the rest is created by the virtual medium.

[brazed]

I'll just chime in here and say that I think Azimuth is absolutely fabulous.

That is all.

[Miktar]

True,

But when referring to ****wad, it?s more that one would not (as readily) treat a stranger in real as hastily and with the level of disrespect as one would had he been talking to the person in real life when debating an issue.

Cos you know they may kick you in your genitalia...

Internet social protocol, with its very rare chance of physical strikes to genetalia, allows you to be a **** with very few repercussions. Maybe those repercussions in real life keep us in check some of the time.

I disagree. You're being too clinical and devoid of context here. If someone were to get into a discussion with a stranger about the types of topics we get into discussions with each other here, there is ALREADY a certain level of familiarity implied because of how that topic may have possibly have been broached.

In fact, I'd hazard to say that in real life people often treat each other with a HIGHER level of disrespect than online, because in the real there are so many more factors that come into play - physical appearance, speech patterns, clothing, first impressions, presumptions, etc.

You're being too extreme in your thoughts here, saying that any disagreement instantly results in nutshots.

Hell, I've had FAR more voracious and disrespectful arguments with complete strangers in pubs, than I've had on these forums, because the situation ALLOWED for it - beer, pub, heated argument: the context was better suited for it, and everyone was "on the same page".

This whole "on the internet you can be a dickwad because of no reprocussions" thing, while often valid, is also just an excuse many people use to avoid giving serious thought to the idea that perhaps that's just /how the other person actually is/.

[Octavianus]

Well, that's your rational for how you behave online. Not everyone subscribes to that idea, y'know. :P

Hell, I've had FAR more voracious and disrespectful arguments with complete strangers in pubs, than I've had on these forums, because the situation ALLOWED for it - beer, pub, heated argument: the context was better suited for it, and everyone was "on the same page".

I rest my case. :P

[Azimuth]

With regards to gaming, I realize that sometimes I hate the points leader of the server in cod just because I'm struggling with a map. I swear at them and call there mother's sanctity in question while when I'm in the top 3 I regard the other players as retards and n00bs. I correct my viewpoint the whole time about people who I interact with online.

:|

[Miktar]

I rest my case. :P

Your original case is still invalid, and you never made a new case, you just bolded a word without giving context. So, um, what? Speak up, man.

[Adeptus]

:) I like COD4 allot. Thus I interact badly with people who won't let met PWN.

[MarryO+LewyG]

I’ll admit I’m generalising

Tons depend on where and in what community you’re frequenting on the net, context and various factors

But in gaming communities in specific, you are more likely to encounter a higher level of disrespect online than that of real life.

The amount of expletives on LIVE/PSN per minute is testament enough to this.

People don’t walk around calling each other ****s\***s in a game of soccer on the beach or park with people you don’t know.