A joke a day keeps the sadness away.

[OllieTheDog]

How Many Ethiopians Can You Fit In A
Phone Booth? => All Of Them

What do Ethiopians use for leg braces?
straws.

[nukehead]

So a father-to-be is waiting anxiously in the waiting room as his wife has gone into labour. Eventually the mid-wife comes through and says to the new father, "Congratulations on becoming a new father but I am afraid there is some bad news. Your child is badly disfigured."

This pains the father but he fights back the tears and says, "It doesn't matter what the child looks like I will love it no matter what."

So they walk through the incubators and they come across a baby that has no arms or legs. The nurse seeing the mans apprehension stops and tells the man that unfortunately his baby is worse off than this one. And so fighting back the tears he says his mantra, "It doesn't matter what the child looks like I will love it no matter what."

So off they go again and come up to a bed with just a head on it. Upon sighting this the man feels his legs go wobbly and has to steady himself before he is once again told that his baby is worse off than this one, accompanied by his mantra, "... I will love this child no matter what."

Eventually after all this trauma they get to a bed with just a pair of eyes on the pillow. The man is by this stage a quivering wreck but maintains his composer as the nurse tells him that its his baby. As he regains some composure and bucks up the courage one last time he repeats the mantra, "... no matter what". And then waves to the little eyes, "Hey there little gu..."

"Oh don't do that," the nurse says, "it's blind"

[TheDarkOne]

Girl: What colour are my eyes?
Guy: 34C

[Toxxyc]

How Many Ethiopians Can You Fit In A
Phone Booth? => All Of Them

What do Ethiopians use for leg braces?
straws.

What is the Ethiopian doing on the moon? We don't know, he was playing with a rubber band.

What is the fastest thing in Ethiopia? A chicken.

What is the second fastest thing in Ethiopia? The Ethiopian chasing the chicken.

Where in Ethiopia is it the most densely populated? Depends on what direction the wind is blowing.

In Ethiopia, if you throw a sandwich in the street it looks like the school has just come out.

[pArkEr]

I'm ashamed to say I don't get these Ethiopian jokes. Someone explain plox.

[Zoop]

Ethiopians are starving.

[echo]

Ethiopian people are (stereotypically) suppose to be underfed and very thin. But don't bust your brain, those jokes aren't that funny anyway.

[pArkEr]

Seems in poor taste actually. But then again, aren't all jokes...

*removes monocle*

One I heard the other day: What do UCT and Stellenbosch students have in common?
They both applied at UCT.

[Bonezmann]

A man buys a lie detector robot which slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner.

Dad: Son, where were u today during school hours?
SON: At School. [Robot slaps son] Ok,I lied, I went to the movies.
DAD: Which one?
SON: Toy Story. [Robot slaps son again] Ok, it was a day with pornstar.
DAD: What?! When I was ur age,I didn't even know what porn was..[Robot slaps Dad]
MOM: Ha ha! After all he's your son. [Robot slaps mom].

[Cranky]

A Kiwi ventriloquist visiting Australia walks into a Small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog.

He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Aussie

'G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?'

Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Kiwi.'

Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, how's it going mate?'

Dog: 'Yeah, doin' all right.'

Aussie: (look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist: 'Is this villager your owner?' (pointing at the Villager)

Dog: 'Yep'

Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'

Dog: 'Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food And takes me to the lake once a week to play.'

Aussie: (look of utter disbelief)

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'

Aussie: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think.'

Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'

Horse: 'Cool'

Aussie: (absolutely dumbfounded)

Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing at the villager)

Horse: 'Yep'

Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?

Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, Brushes me down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the Elements..'

Aussie: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'

Aussie: (in a panic) 'The sheep's a f*cking liar!!!

[Cranky]

What would happen if the US were to drop a Nuclear bomb on Ethiopia?

The locals would run to eat the mushroom

[Cranky]

Gatiep goes into a bar to have himself a cold one.

Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the bar and asked," Who owns
the dog tied under that tree outside?"

Gatiep said it was his.

"Your dog seems to be in heat" the officer said.

Gatiep replied, "No way... She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that
shady tree… is mos lekke innie koelte in !"

The policeman said, "No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be
bred."

"No way," said Gatiep. "That dog doesn't need bread. No ways she’s hungry…
'cause I fed her this morning'."

The exasperated policeman said, "NO ! You don't understand; your dog
wants to have s@x !"


Gatiep looked at the cop and said, "Well constable, go ahead. I always wanted a
POLICE DOG !!!"

source - riotlan forum

[fleshwound]

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

[Sir-Ominous]

Elephant and Camel

Elephant: HAHA you have boobs on your back.

Camel: Well you have a **** on your face

0_0

[Toxxyc]

A skinny man runs through the zoo naked past the elephant cage.

Elephant 1: Dude! Look how skinny that man is!

Elephant 2: Yeah well I'd be just as skinny if I had to eat with that little thing.

[Drone]

-Pa vang dogter in haar kamer met n vibrator!
Hy vra "Wat de vok gaan hier aan?"
Dogter "Ag pa! Ek gaan nie trou nie so dit is nie so erg nie."
Saterdag kom die dogter by die huis en kry haar pa voor die tv, besig om rugby te kyk met n' bier en die vibrator in sy hande.
Dogter "Wat de vok gaan hier aan?"
Pa "Ag, ek kyk so bietjie rugby saam my skoonseun."

-Two men talking in a bar, one man says "After 10 years of marriage, sex with my wife is down to 3 times a year."
The other man says "The same her pal, as a matter of fact, if mine didn't sleep with her mouth open, I'd have none at all."

[Death_cometh]

Boy: (visibly upset) A boy at school today called me a moofie
Dad: So bliksem him
Boy: Agggg but dad he is so cute.

[Darranged]

Keepin' the thread alive.

My parents are ****ing retards.
Its a fetish of theirs apparently.

My wife says i'm immature and need to stop playing childish games.
She's either really brave or really stupid. I had a white sheet over my head and was quite clearly a ghost.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"
"Yes."
"Oui."
"S?."
"Ja."

[Rah_Skill]

I hate street performers...

Then again, I'm a mime, so I can't really talk.

(terrible, I know LED...)

[Drone]

A horse and a chick are walking on a farm one day. The horse falls into a big hole. He asks the chick to go fetch the farmers BMW to drag him out. The chick agrees to do it. After he pulls him out the horse says the he owes the chick one. On another day they are walking on the farm again. This time the chick falls into a big hole. He tells the horse that he still owes him one and that he should go get the farmers BMW. The horse tells him not to worry, his got a better idea. He steps over the hole and throws down his large horse penis and gets the chick out.

Whats the moral of the story?

If your hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.