New Age Grub - Nag Forums Official Cookbook

[Aesir]

THE NORMAL ASS POTJIE!

Grab yourself some ****ing stewing beef or lamb, a lot of it, this stuff lasts for weeks.
Onions, big and small ones.
Potatoes, small ****ing potatoes.
Patty Pans, marrows, whatever the **** you want to call those yummy things.
Mushrooms.
Tomatoes.
Not sweet ass corn! Normal kak corn!
Garlic and chilly, seriously!
Spices, water, weird **** that resemble ingredients.


HOW TO!


Grab some coals and bake those mother****ers.
Put your big ass POT on them!
Add oil, not gay ass olive, normal oil damnit!
Throw that meat in, after some thinly sliced onions cooked brown!
Just throw the rest of your **** in depending on how long they going to take. Eg. Meat, potatoes, patty ****ing pans, mushrooms etc.
DO NOT ****ING STIR YOU *****!
Add spices, anything you like as long as there is spices there! Though Origanum and ****ing pepper is mandatory!
Leave for 2-6hours, cook some lame ass rice when almost done. Egg fried rice is a ****ing awesome addition!

----------------------------
Maggi 10 minute noodle.

Throw your uncooked Maggi in some pot, boil some water, if you are not a little bitch you will eat two packs. Add 1 pack's flavour immediately, add white, black and cayenne pepper! Add a single lonely ****ing button mushroom for the flavs. Before you add heat leave the suckers for a minute to raise with no heat except boiled water, then add them heats from a pan!

Add 1 to 2 tablespoons of lemon juice, 1 tablespoon of marmite and them cayennnesssss peppppperrrps.

Just before turning off the heat add the last flavour pack, thicken the mix and en_****ing_joy!

Obviously not my own recipies, the only thing I do myself is a sort of potjie/stew/soup thing.

Take the potjie things, add lots of water and some saffron, a lot of ****ing tomatoes (9-10)and potatoes boil them all together for a few hours, drink/eat as stew without rice or anything. Keeps me alive and tastes awesome for at leat a week! :D

[5h@un13]

THE NORMAL ASS POTJIE!

Grab yourself some ****ing stewing beef or lamb, a lot of it, this stuff lasts for weeks.
Onions, big and small ones.
Potatoes, small ****ing potatoes.
Patty Pans, marrows, whatever the **** you want to call those yummy things.
Mushrooms.
Tomatoes.
Not sweet ass corn! Normal kak corn!
Garlic and chilly, seriously!
Spices, water, weird **** that resemble ingredients.


HOW TO!


Grab some coals and bake those mother****ers.
Put your big ass POT on them!
Add oil, not gay ass olive, normal oil damnit!
Throw that meat in, after some thinly sliced onions cooked brown!
Just throw the rest of your **** in depending on how long they going to take. Eg. Meat, potatoes, patty ****ing pans, mushrooms etc.
DO NOT ****ING STIR YOU *****!
Add spices, anything you like as long as there is spices there! Though Origanum and ****ing pepper is mandatory!
Leave for 2-6hours, cook some lame ass rice when almost done. Egg fried rice is a ****ing awesome addition!

----------------------------
Maggi 10 minute noodle.

Throw your uncooked Maggi in some pot, boil some water, if you are not a little bitch you will eat two packs. Add 1 pack's flavour immediately, add white, black and cayenne pepper! Add a single lonely ****ing button mushroom for the flavs. Before you add heat leave the suckers for a minute to raise with no heat except boiled water, then add them heats from a pan!

Add 1 to 2 tablespoons of lemon juice, 1 tablespoon of marmite and them cayennnesssss peppppperrrps.

Just before turning off the heat add the last flavour pack, thicken the mix and en_****ing_joy!

Obviously not my own recipies, the only thing I do myself is a sort of potjie/stew/soup thing.

Take the potjie things, add lots of water and some saffron, a lot of ****ing tomatoes (9-10)and potatoes boil them all together for a few hours, drink/eat as stew without rice or anything. Keeps me alive and tastes awesome for at leat a week! :D

OMG I wish food networks told there recipes like that +1

Just for that Im gonna make it this weekend!BECAUSE IM NOT A ****ING *****!!!!

[mordread]

OMG I wish food networks told there recipes like that +1

Just for that Im gonna make it this weekend!BECAUSE IM NOT A ****ING *****!!!!

Lol Yep!

You might like this then.
http://whatthe****shouldimakefordinner.com/index.php

[Incognito]

Babelas Noodles

I think the name is self explanatory, what you'll need is:

Noodles of your choice, preferably of the 2 min variety
Teaspoon of Cayenne Pepper
Pinch of crushed chillies, Robertsons if it is available...
Some boiling water
Bowl that can stand a microwave nuking.
A strong stomach, heartburns and ringsting will ensue if you don't like hot stuff.

1) Take a bowl and add the spice in the noodles sachet with the cayenne pepper and crushed chillies
2) crush the noodles and add to the bowl. Add the boiling water until the water is just above the noodles and stir.
3) put the bowl in the microwave and proceed nuking it. After a minute stir it and continue nuking until the soup is just below the noodles for a nice soup.
4) take out, let it stand for a minute and enjoy!

This is an awesome recipe if you're at work hung over from a previous night's party. The taste is also strong enough to melt away the bad taste of whatever invaded your taste buds in said evening so you won't feel nauseous afterward. Works like a charm!

WARNING! This will burn the ever loving **** out of you if you are not used to eating chillies, you have been warned...

[Grimnebulin]

Just a quick thanks for the recipes thus far, keep 'em coming!

And Azi, don't make me give you an ultimatum....

[Azimuth]

Azi's Burgers of Baconing

Stuff:

• 400g of dead things. I use a combination of beef and ostrich, which you can buy prepacked at PNP.
• The breadcrumbs of a single, demolished slice of bread.
• An unborn chicken.
• 250g bits o' swine, fried until vanquished and crispy. Use the diced kind.
• A tablespoon of Worcestershire sauce, made from the fresh blood of Worcestershire werelambs.
• A teaspoon of garlic crushed under a warhammer.
• A teaspoon of chilli flakes, harvested from the slopes of Mount Doom.
• Half a teaspoon of infernal cayenne pepper.
• Salt of infants' tears.
• Pepper of peppering.
• Seasoning of death. I use Spur seasoning.

Method:

Smash everything together, then roll it in fist-sized punishment balls and flatten into patties of submission. Fry until blackened on each side. Devour.

[brazed]

Azi's Burgers of Baconing

Stuff:

• 400g of dead things. I use a combination of beef and ostrich, which you can buy prepacked at PNP.
• The breadcrumbs of a single, demolished slice of bread.
• An unborn chicken.
• 250g bits o' swine, fried until vanquished and crispy. Use the diced kind.
• A tablespoon of Worcestershire sauce, made from the fresh blood of Worcestershire werelambs.
• A teaspoon of garlic crushed under a warhammer.
• A teaspoon of chilli flakes, harvested from the slopes of Mount Doom.
• Half a teaspoon of infernal cayenne pepper.
• Salt of infants' tears.
• Pepper of peppering.
• Seasoning of death. I use Spur seasoning.

Method:

Smash everything together, then roll it in fist-sized punishment balls and flatten into patties of submission. Fry until blackened on each side. Devour.

I was honestly looking for the like button...

[GeometriX]

Damnit Azi, I'm making burgers tonight; was totally about to post my recipe :<

Although I'll be making my own bread rolls, because I'm not a lazy git.

EDIT: Actually, come to think of it, our burger recipes are almost exactly the same. Although I use smoked paprika instead of cayenne.

[Azimuth]

You also use diced bacon? And here I thought I'd started a revolution. I basically just dumped a heap of stuff I thought would work well together. Best burgers ever, seriously. My boyfriend and I were both "O____O" when we ate them.

Totally trying it with paprika next time, though.

[Grimnebulin]

Azi's recipe reminded me of this...

[GeometriX]

You also use diced bacon?

Oh, like, in the patty? Noooo. That's weird, yo.

[Azimuth]

Just... just try it. I'll be waiting here with a "told you so".

[KalMaverick]

Azi's Burgers of Baconing

That really sounds quite delicious, going to give it a go during the week.

I'll report back if my head doesn't explode.

[KalMaverick]

Brown sheet Cake

This is one of my favourites, it's a simple and relatively quick recipe for a delicious cake. If you're looking for one of those pretentious chocolate cakes that can put a pea**** to shame then this is not the cake for you.

Cake:
2 cups flour
2 cups sugar
Pinch of salt
125g butter/margarine (I prefer Stork bake margarine)
1 cup water
1/2 cup cocoa
1/2 milk
1 tsp bicarbonate of soda
2 extra large eggs.

Icing:
60g butter/margarine
37.5ml milk
30ml cocoa
1 1/2 cups icing sugar
5ml vanilla

Cake method:
Preheat oven to 180 Celsius.
Grease a large oven dish.
Sift sugar, flour, salt together
Heat margarine, water, oil and cocoa in a pot. Allow to boil rapidly (for a few seconds) then remove from heat and allow to cool.
Add flour mixture.
Mix well.
Mix milk & bicarbonate of soda together.
Beat eggs lightly and add to milk.
Add milk mix to flour mix and mix well.

Bake for 30 minutes.

Note: If you're not sure if the cake is ready take a sharp knife and stick it into the middle of the cake, if it comes out full of cake mixture then it is not ready, it should come out relatively clean. 5 minute intervals if you're unsure will do.

Icing method:
Start this around 5 minutes before the cake is ready to come out.
Heat margarine, milk and cocoa to boiling point (I use the same pot from the cake mixture), again for a few seconds only.
Remove from heat and add icing and vanilla.
Pour over warm cake.

I'm not really a fan of icing, it's usually stuck on cake like cement and is thicker than tyres on a 13" rim, but this icing is ****ing delicious on this cake.

[Zoop]

Azi's Burgers of Baconing

Stuff:

• 400g of dead things. I use a combination of beef and ostrich, which you can buy prepacked at PNP.
• The breadcrumbs of a single, demolished slice of bread.
• An unborn chicken.
• 250g bits o' swine, fried until vanquished and crispy. Use the diced kind.
• A tablespoon of Worcestershire sauce, made from the fresh blood of Worcestershire werelambs.
• A teaspoon of garlic crushed under a warhammer.
• A teaspoon of chilli flakes, harvested from the slopes of Mount Doom.
• Half a teaspoon of infernal cayenne pepper.
• Salt of infants' tears.
• Pepper of peppering.
• Seasoning of death. I use Spur seasoning.

Method:

Smash everything together, then roll it in fist-sized punishment balls and flatten into patties of submission. Fry until blackened on each side. Devour.

I'm planning on making this when my friends come over some time (when I scratch together the cash to pay Dial-A-Friend what I owe for the last three friends I rented). How many patties do you more or less get out of 400g minced meat? I'm planning on making real patties, not cardboard cut-out thickness patties like McDonald's serves.

[GeometriX]

Consider that a McD's patty is 45g, a Steers patty is 100g, and a Spur patty is 150g. With all the other stuff inside you'd get 4 150+g patties. Add some guac and cheese on top, with chips on the side, and you've got plenty for four people from a single pack of mince.

[CrashHelmut]

You also use diced bacon?

Oh, like, in the patty? Noooo. That's weird, yo.

I usually mix in pancetta. A bit more expensive, but I prefer the taste. I do the same for meatballs. It really does compliment the beefy taste.

[Azimuth]

I'm planning on making this when my friends come over some time (when I scratch together the cash to pay Dial-A-Friend what I owe for the last three friends I rented). How many patties do you more or less get out of 400g minced meat? I'm planning on making real patties, not cardboard cut-out thickness patties like McDonald's serves.

We got six, actually, and pretty chunky ones - about the size of Spur burgers, I'd say. Next time, we've already decided to divvy it up into eight instead.

I mean, once you put everything together, it's almost one kilo of stuff. My boyfriend ate two and spent the rest of the night on the couch, groaning.

[Kharrak]

This thread must NEVER be deleted.

[Toxxyc]

If you're short on meat you can always mix in some cooked grain. It really stretches the meat far, and it gives everything a pretty wicked texture.

Anyway, my GF and I have been making this lasagna for a few times now. It's a little changed recipe from the normal ****, but it's really ****ing awesome. Here goes:

Ingredients:

1 x Pack Lasagna Mate (Mince)
1/2~1 x Pack uncooked Lasagna (the amount of lasagna depends on how many layers you want to pack, I usually do three layers for best noms)
500g ~ 1kg x Uncooked mince (depends on how much you love meat. I love my meat)
1/2 x Can peach/apricot jam
1 x Small can tomato paste (I think it's like 115g or something)
500g x Grated cheese (at least, ****it, cheese makes lasagna)
3 x Batches of white sauce (and yes, it's ****ing easy to make and amazing with cheese on almost anything. You can also make more, 4~5 batches are recommended when using more mince)

White Sauce ingredients:

For every batch:

1 x Heaped tablespoon butter/cooking margarine (Butro works best, trust me)
1 x Heaped tablespoon flour (self-raising, w/e)
1 x Cup (250ml) fresh, full-cream milk

Right, so here we go:

1. First off, you get to heat the meat. Take a large pot, about 5l, and toss the mince in there over low heat. Add a spot of olive oil if it's looking like it's going to be burnin'.

2. As soon as the meat is going slowly, make the Lasagna Mate's cheese sauce. Basically it's the powder + 300ml boiling water, mix until smooth and leave to stand. Easy, and DAMN tasty sauce, that is.

3. When the meat is starting to get nice and cooked, you can get your **** on nicely. Simple - add the 1/2 can of jam (you can add more if you add more cheese, jam + cheese is a ****ing genius combo) and keep mixing until the jam has melted into the meat completely.

4. By this stage you should have a meatmix that's slowly simmering in quite a bit of juice. Now's the time to add the tomato paste. Add it all. Now. The tomato paste not only gives the meat a ****ing rocking flavour, it also helps it to cook to a more tender state. True, that.

5. Get started on the white sauce. It's really simple:
5.1. Melt the butter in a 2~3l saucepan, and add the flour as soon as it's melted (butter shouldn't start boiling at all).
5.2. Stir briskly until all the butter is soaked up, but preferably you want to mix it so that you're not stuck with one big blob of **** in the middle of the pot. Trust me. Use a fork.
5.3 Add all the milk at once, and set the stove to about 80% power. Gas goes faster, so put it a little slower. You don't want the mix to start boiling until you are out of lumps in the mix. This is where you can see that you don't want one big lump in the middle of the pot.
5.4. Anyway.
5.5. Check on the mince to ensure it's still simmering and not burning. Tomato does that. Back to the sauce. Stir quickly, constantly, without interruption. Mash the little lumps against the side of the pot to dissolve them, and continue stirring until the mixture just starts to boil.
5.6. As soon as it's boiling, immediately kill the heat and move the pot to a cooling plate if you have a solid-plate stove (it stays hot for too long, you don't want the sauce burning), and STOP STIRRING. Stirring after the mixture has started boiling will result in a white sauce that's not thickening, and that's simply disappointing. If you still have a few lumps - relax your ass. It's fine. Next time you'll do better.

6. Forget about your awesome white sauce for now, and get it on with the mince. Add the pasta pieces from the Lasagna Mate box, as well as the meat flavour also from the box.

7. 500ml Boiling water would be nice right about now as well.

8. Leave everything for about 10 minutes to simmer, and open all windows and doors and **** to have the neighbours cry that they didn't make nicer with you last time you talked, as by then they'd have wanted to come have a little "taste" of this heavenly dish. If the meat isn't saucy enough, add a cup of boiling water. ProTip: The magic of lasagna is that the meat must be saucy.

9. While you're waiting, you can grate the cheese (if it's not done so already) and rub some butter in a large oven dish. Place a layer of lasagna on there so long, and pre-heat the oven to 180' C (bake, obviously).

10. Right, 10 minutes are up.

11. Pour just under 1/2 of the mince on top of the lasagna in the oven dish.

12. Pour 1/3 of the white sauce on the mince.

13. Pack ****ing flatpasta.

14. Pour most of the remaining meat, but keep about 1 cup for now.

15. Pour 1/2 of the remaining white sauce.

16. Pack ****ing flatpasta.

17. Pour the last little bit of meat and the cheese sauce (thought I forgot about the cheese sauce, didn't you? Well, **** you. I didn't.) into the pot with the remaining white sauce, and mix properly.

18. Scoop the last of everything saucy on top of the last of the lasagna.

19. Add the cheese on top. All of it. Sneak some for yourself, and you'll pay for it with less-than-optimal lasagna. It's not nice. It's not nice at all.

20. Place the whole shebang in the pre-heated oven and let it bake there for, I dunno, 30~45 minutes, depending on how you like your pasta cooked. I prefer my lasagna cooked, but not ****ed up into baby**** consistency. That's about 30 minutes.

21. Remove from heat and leave for about 5 minutes to let it cool down. Satan will be raping your tongue if you taste now, trust me.

22. Serve. ****, serve. With a sweet red and a Greek salad on the side. A lasagna like this will feed about 5~6 people, depending on how hungry or how much they eat. ****ing obvious, if you ask me.

Thank me when you've made this. You can pay me, but I just don't accept BJ's anymore. There was an incident a while ago... **** no, I don't want to talk about it.