A Gamer's Manifesto

[Kensei]

Found on Cracked.com :

Highlights, for me:

for obvious reasons...

Developers will be shocked one day when they notice that the world is full of women. It's true! More than half of your potential customer base are penisless. They have money. They like doing fun things.[they don't want to play dressed in a] thong-length kimono, no bra for those flopping DDD breasts.

A pet hate of mine...

[b]Unnecessarily difficult end levels.]/b] I've worked for 50 hours to get to this point in the game. Don't make me watch the "Loading..." screen and then the ****ing climactic cutscene 75 times, once for each attempt to beat the last boss.

There is nothing I hate more than being forced to watch a cut scene EVERY TIME

Comments?

[GhOsT_828]

Instant-Failure Stealth Levels. Ack. This brings back horrible decade-old memories of a Goldeneye level where if you tripped an alarm, an infinite number of bad guys poured forth. We knew a man who failed that level 37 times, then got the Infinite Health cheat for it and came back. He intentionally tripped the alarm, the guards rushed out. Laughing maniacally, he proceeded to shoot those ****ers for four hours, killing 1,183 of them - 682 with groin shots - before his thumbs cramped up.

Lol. Just... lol. This whole thing is epic. Instant print.
Very nice find, Kensei!

[Q-Man]

I love cracked, and I could nod in agreement while sitting with a broad smile on my face throughout that feature. Good stuff. Jumping Puzzles in FPS games is a personal favourite extract from that particular piece.

Brings a tear to the eye.

[wir]

I agree with pretty much everything they've mentioned.

There is nothing I hate more than being forced to watch a cut scene EVERY TIME

...And good God I hate that!!

Oh look, a crate. I bet it has ammo in it.

[Cleric]

then the ****ing climactic cutscene 75 times, once for each attempt to beat the last boss.

PoP:WW had this problem. Killed me.

[Gazza_N]

Oh look, a crate. I bet it has ammo in it.

Oh, and the best (and the article didn't mention this) is when you hack your way through an entire forest of crates for the express purpose of finding desperately-needed health or ammo, and every single one of them is empty. -_-

[Cloud_Ratha]

3. Nipples?

Speaking of adult games, where are they?

In God of War

[TheLionsInnards]

Chances of that happening...

Excellent. I like to think that some day the businesses of the world will wake up and realize they're part of a greater whole, that the energy devoted to cannabalistic infighting means ultimate doom for all. The leaders of the great religions of the world will realize that all of us, Muslim, Christian, Jew, all want the same for humanity. Women will realize it's the pale, studious type they want instead of the quarterback of the football team, and everywhere we walk, bunnies will dance a path for us. Dance, little guys! Dance!

Love it.

[MrDeVil_909]

This is quite an old Pointless Waste of Time article, but it is very valid.

Checkpoints are my personal bugbear. Especially in PC games.
There. Is. No. Excuse.

[Squirly]

They're working on a feature right now where they're making a new list, comparing the old to the new and asking what the new generation of consoles has actually provided.

Should be out some time soon I think.

[MrDeVil_909]

The first time we hear the word "patch" in relation to a PS3 or XBox 360 game, we're taking the console back to the store. Filled with our ****.

I wonder if he did this? I would like to see the video.