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In the July issue of NAG, RedTide uses half a puppy, a wet rag and a bag of elastic bands to create a flying submarine which has no business being called a submarine in the first place because if you put it in water it dissolves almost instantly. We do extensive scientific research to discover the best shampoo for washing feet. Somebody accidentally leaves the bath tap on overnight and floods our office rainforest. And we rudely discover that skydiving with penguins isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Oh, and Evolve. Evolve happens.

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Somehow, we’re already one half of the way through this Earth year of 2014. Fast-forward just four months and rAge 2014 will be on our doorstep.

That. Is. Ridiculous.

Soon enough it’ll be 700 years in the future and there’ll be a giant lifeless space-ball floating above Earth’s last city while groups of super-powered bouncers find themselves charged with keeping all manner of alien riff-raff out of the universe’s most exclusive club.

We’ll call that future Destiny. Also, Destiny.

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HACK THE PLANET!

We can’t resist a good Hackers reference, so we’ve unashamedly used that one twice in the span of a single issue of this magazine we do. Except that’s not strictly true, because we do feel just a tiny bit ashamed. Then again, Watch Dogs. So the reference is entirely necessary.

In case you missed that, our May issue is lathered in Watch Dogs. There’s also other stuff in it! And most of the stuff in it has absolutely nothing in common with awkwardly awesome hacking sequences from the ’90s.

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Welcome to April 2014 everyone! Almost. This month, we have a game on our cover that’s actually going to find life on South African soil! As opposed to, you know, that other thing.

But hang on a minute… Shouldn’t we be saying we hope this month’s cover game will see the light of SA’s sunshine? We didn’t just jinx it forever, did we? DID WE?

Oh great gleaming snurflehurdler, what have we do-

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Oh hi March! Didn’t see you there. You’re looking lovely today. We’ve gone and made a magazine in your honour, because you’ve always been so very good to us. Well, to tell you the truth, I suppose you’ve probably been no better to us than any of the other months of the year. But still – you look like you could use a strong pick-me-up, and we’ve got one for you right here.

Step into the void for robots. And jetpacks. And maybe puppies.

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February? Really? It feels like just yesterday that it totally wasn’t February. Which, given that it’s still January as I type this, makes a ton of sense.

Incoherence aside, 2014 is officially here to stay, even though writing 2014 in place of 2013 still feels a bit… out of place. In celebration of the difficulties we’re experiencing wrapping our heads around futuristic numbers, we’ve gone and made a February issue of NAG, just for you. And you. And even you! BUT NOT YOU. Because yuck.

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Holidays have this weird habit of running away from you, distorting time and throwing around days like juggling balls. Of course, smart people plan in advance for this. Smart people would have written this weeks ago and scheduled this post to go online automatically on Monday already. It appears that I’m not a smart person.

Regardless, I’m here to tell you all about the January issue of NAG, which is on shelf right now! Its hot pink cover will scream at you from across the store, which we hope should alleviate the troubles some people have finding it. I could’ve sworn that the idea of doing a pink cover started as a joke, but then we all sort of liked it and before we could change our minds the ink was ordered and things at the printing press were underway. It’s probably for the best.

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Sweet mother of gaming it’s DECEMBER! Do you know what that means?! It really means absolutely nothing, to be totally truthful. But at the same time it means everything, because of all the nothing we plan to be doing very, very soon. It’s strange how so much nothing proves to be such an exciting prospect.

Anyway, in celebration of The Nothingpocalypse, we’ve gone and done a magazine that – if you let it – will be your faithful companion throughout all of the inevitable chaos of the festive season. Let us tell you what’s in it.

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We’ve got one month to go before trees covered in flashy lights and bits of tinsel invade our living rooms, and bearded old (and potentially drunk) men are officially invited to explore our chimneys at will without fear of police reprisal. It’s also one month before the entire NAG team hijacks a boat and sails off into the great beyond for a month-long party boat extravaganza full of booze and sunburn and afternoon tea on the deck and embarrassing dancing and probably vomit. We do it all for you really, because it means we return at the start of 2014 fresh and ready for a whole new year of celebrating gaming’s loveliness.

Meanwhile, there’s an awesome November issue to discuss while we await all of the above.

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rAge! RaGE! RAGE! rage. Also, 2013. Does anything else even matter right now? Does the universe even continue to exist around us while we pour buckets of blood and sweat and tears (this doesn’t really happen, because gross) into South Africa’s greatest gaming event? Or does The Everything disappear into a vacuous chunk of nothingness while the Coca-Cola Dome is transformed into a vast gaming playground for one weekend every year?

Do these questions even need answers?

It turns out, October’s about more than just rAge. October’s when we remind you that there’s this thing called Call of Duty that rakes in whole heaps of cash with each annual instalment thanks to its guns that get shot and dudes that get ‘sploded.

Move past the break for more.

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