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NAG-Magazine-December-2014-issue---image-1

UPDATE: Due to unfortunate circumstances, NAG will be arriving later than expected in Windhoek. Our Windhoek readers can expect to get their hands on the December issue on the 8th of December. Apologies for that!

Full disclosure: I’m writing this post partially blind. I spent the weekend playing Mortal Kombat 9 in preparation for Mortal Kombat X, and during a particularly rambunctious celebration dance (because defeating Shao Kahn ain’t easy, yo), I may or may not have jammed an excited finger directly into my eyeball. Ouchie. I’m now 5% cyborg, because I’m forced to wear a metal eye patch. MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE.

Okay, so most of that was a blatant lie. Not the being blind bit, but the finger-to-the-eyeball bit. And the bit where I played Mortal Kombat all weekend, because sadly I did not do that. But I truly am partly blind right now, so if this post is all over the place, I apologise in advance. Don’t blame me. Blame my optometrist.

Anyway, sweet mother of wrapped gifties it’s December! And December means Christmas! And nothing screams Christmas quite like being slow-roasted in the hellfire of an angry yellow skele-ninja who’s probably only angry because all the presents he got from Sub-Zero last year sucked, big time. Ice ice, baby.

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NAG-Magazine-November-2014-issue---image-4

The wise, reclusive mountainfolk of Kyrat live their lives according to a powerfully poignant saying. “It matters not if you are ready for November. November is always ready for you.” Drink that in for a moment.

Okay, so it’s not actually particularly poignant and it’s weirdly date-specific, but the Kyratians swear by it nevertheless. And it’s especially pertinent right now, because November is rapidly approaching and WE ARE NOT READY.

That, and we’ve got Far Cry 4 on the cover of our November issue. Kyrat will never be the same again.

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rAge.

Issue.

rAge issue.

Issue of rAge.

October, also.

That’s it. You can all go home now.

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UPDATE: Most stores in Cape Town will only be receiving their copies of NAG on Friday the 5th of September due to a distribution niggle. Sorry!

Spring! September is a month for getting in touch with friends you’ve not seen in a while. And by in a while, we mean since around 8 o’clock this morning. And by friends, we mean the next Calls of Duties. And by not seen, we mean seen everywhere, all the time. It’s called Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare, and it’s got double-jumping Exo suits in it. We’re not sure where the dog’s gone though. Perhaps they ran out of space for bearded bullet points and had to cut the canines. Anyway, it’s on our cover. Yay!

September’s also important for being the month before rAge 2014 (and every other rAge ever, really). It’s coming people. Best prepare yourselves.

Delve deeper to discover more September issue info.

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Hi!

Sorry we’re late. Had a spot of car trouble. Plus, RedTide took forever to decide on an outfit, and he kept complaining that he simply couldn’t get his hair to behave, which makes a weird sort of pseudo-sense given that he’s not got any hair.

Anyway. Remember Rainbow Six: Patriots? Which we had on our cover that one time? Well, please stop remembering it, and go home right now and set fire to that issue as a sort of memory cleanse. Because all eyes are now on Rainbow Six: Siege, which looks an awful lot like someone at Ubisoft woke up one morning and decided that the best way to go forward is to go backward. And we love that, because Rainbow Six‘s best days were its early days. We love the look of Siege so much that we’re forcing you to look at it too by putting it on our cover.

LOOK AT IT.

After the break, obviously.

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In the July issue of NAG, RedTide uses half a puppy, a wet rag and a bag of elastic bands to create a flying submarine which has no business being called a submarine in the first place because if you put it in water it dissolves almost instantly. We do extensive scientific research to discover the best shampoo for washing feet. Somebody accidentally leaves the bath tap on overnight and floods our office rainforest. And we rudely discover that skydiving with penguins isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Oh, and Evolve. Evolve happens.

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Somehow, we’re already one half of the way through this Earth year of 2014. Fast-forward just four months and rAge 2014 will be on our doorstep.

That. Is. Ridiculous.

Soon enough it’ll be 700 years in the future and there’ll be a giant lifeless space-ball floating above Earth’s last city while groups of super-powered bouncers find themselves charged with keeping all manner of alien riff-raff out of the universe’s most exclusive club.

We’ll call that future Destiny. Also, Destiny.

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HACK THE PLANET!

We can’t resist a good Hackers reference, so we’ve unashamedly used that one twice in the span of a single issue of this magazine we do. Except that’s not strictly true, because we do feel just a tiny bit ashamed. Then again, Watch Dogs. So the reference is entirely necessary.

In case you missed that, our May issue is lathered in Watch Dogs. There’s also other stuff in it! And most of the stuff in it has absolutely nothing in common with awkwardly awesome hacking sequences from the ’90s.

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Welcome to April 2014 everyone! Almost. This month, we have a game on our cover that’s actually going to find life on South African soil! As opposed to, you know, that other thing.

But hang on a minute… Shouldn’t we be saying we hope this month’s cover game will see the light of SA’s sunshine? We didn’t just jinx it forever, did we? DID WE?

Oh great gleaming snurflehurdler, what have we do-

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Oh hi March! Didn’t see you there. You’re looking lovely today. We’ve gone and made a magazine in your honour, because you’ve always been so very good to us. Well, to tell you the truth, I suppose you’ve probably been no better to us than any of the other months of the year. But still – you look like you could use a strong pick-me-up, and we’ve got one for you right here.

Step into the void for robots. And jetpacks. And maybe puppies.

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