Issue of rAge.
That’s it. You can all go home now.
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Spring! September is a month for getting in touch with friends you’ve not seen in a while. And by in a while, we mean since around 8 o’clock this morning. And by friends, we mean the next Calls of Duties. And by not seen, we mean seen everywhere, all the time. It’s called Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare, and it’s got double-jumping Exo suits in it. We’re not sure where the dog’s gone though. Perhaps they ran out of space for bearded bullet points and had to cut the canines. Anyway, it’s on our cover. Yay!
September’s also important for being the month before rAge 2014 (and every other rAge ever, really). It’s coming people. Best prepare yourselves.
Delve deeper to discover more September issue info.
Sorry we’re late. Had a spot of car trouble. Plus, RedTide took forever to decide on an outfit, and he kept complaining that he simply couldn’t get his hair to behave, which makes a weird sort of pseudo-sense given that he’s not got any hair.
Anyway. Remember Rainbow Six: Patriots? Which we had on our cover that one time? Well, please stop remembering it, and go home right now and set fire to that issue as a sort of memory cleanse. Because all eyes are now on Rainbow Six: Siege, which looks an awful lot like someone at Ubisoft woke up one morning and decided that the best way to go forward is to go backward. And we love that, because Rainbow Six‘s best days were its early days. We love the look of Siege so much that we’re forcing you to look at it too by putting it on our cover.
LOOK AT IT.
After the break, obviously.
In the July issue of NAG, RedTide uses half a puppy, a wet rag and a bag of elastic bands to create a flying submarine which has no business being called a submarine in the first place because if you put it in water it dissolves almost instantly. We do extensive scientific research to discover the best shampoo for washing feet. Somebody accidentally leaves the bath tap on overnight and floods our office rainforest. And we rudely discover that skydiving with penguins isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
Oh, and Evolve. Evolve happens.
Somehow, we’re already one half of the way through this Earth year of 2014. Fast-forward just four months and rAge 2014 will be on our doorstep.
That. Is. Ridiculous.
Soon enough it’ll be 700 years in the future and there’ll be a giant lifeless space-ball floating above Earth’s last city while groups of super-powered bouncers find themselves charged with keeping all manner of alien riff-raff out of the universe’s most exclusive club.
We’ll call that future Destiny. Also, Destiny.
HACK THE PLANET!
We can’t resist a good Hackers reference, so we’ve unashamedly used that one twice in the span of a single issue of this magazine we do. Except that’s not strictly true, because we do feel just a tiny bit ashamed. Then again, Watch Dogs. So the reference is entirely necessary.
In case you missed that, our May issue is lathered in Watch Dogs. There’s also other stuff in it! And most of the stuff in it has absolutely nothing in common with awkwardly awesome hacking sequences from the ’90s.
Welcome to April 2014 everyone! Almost. This month, we have a game on our cover that’s actually going to find life on South African soil! As opposed to, you know, that other thing.
But hang on a minute… Shouldn’t we be saying we hope this month’s cover game will see the light of SA’s sunshine? We didn’t just jinx it forever, did we? DID WE?
Oh great gleaming snurflehurdler, what have we do-
Oh hi March! Didn’t see you there. You’re looking lovely today. We’ve gone and made a magazine in your honour, because you’ve always been so very good to us. Well, to tell you the truth, I suppose you’ve probably been no better to us than any of the other months of the year. But still – you look like you could use a strong pick-me-up, and we’ve got one for you right here.
Step into the void for robots. And jetpacks. And maybe puppies.
February? Really? It feels like just yesterday that it totally wasn’t February. Which, given that it’s still January as I type this, makes a ton of sense.
Incoherence aside, 2014 is officially here to stay, even though writing 2014 in place of 2013 still feels a bit… out of place. In celebration of the difficulties we’re experiencing wrapping our heads around futuristic numbers, we’ve gone and made a February issue of NAG, just for you. And you. And even you! BUT NOT YOU. Because yuck.
Holidays have this weird habit of running away from you, distorting time and throwing around days like juggling balls. Of course, smart people plan in advance for this. Smart people would have written this weeks ago and scheduled this post to go online automatically on Monday already. It appears that I’m not a smart person.
Regardless, I’m here to tell you all about the January issue of NAG, which is on shelf right now! Its hot pink cover will scream at you from across the store, which we hope should alleviate the troubles some people have finding it. I could’ve sworn that the idea of doing a pink cover started as a joke, but then we all sort of liked it and before we could change our minds the ink was ordered and things at the printing press were underway. It’s probably for the best.