In case you’ve just recently escaped from an Amish community and stumbled into an Internet cafe, allow me to update you on present events: rAge 2016 happened two weeks ago and porn is super easy to find these days. Your days of leering at awkwardly-placed scarecrows are finally over, Jeremiah. Enjoy some 720p streaming and come back for the rest of the column when you’re done.
You look, uh, refreshed. Anyway, for the last couple of weeks I’ve been in a deep zen state in the fruits and vegetables section of a 24-hour garage, and I’ve settled on the five most profound lessons I learnt at rAge this year. Or maybe I just cobbled together this poor excuse for an opinion piece after not sleeping for three days. You be the judge.