The Assassin’s Creed movie is still looking surprisingly not totally terrible


Look, we’ve talked about this. Video game movies are supposed to be terrible because it’s the rules and whatever. So, what’s the deal with this one? I bet it’s some sort of Templar conspiracy. That’s the only way to explain this obscene subversion of the order of things.


The Order of Solomon’s Temple. The Templars. I KNEW IT.

Anyway, a new Assassin’s Creed movie trailer is out, featuring Michael Fassbender as modern day super criminal Callum Lynch-slash-Aguilar the 15th century secret society stabber. Slash. Get it? Because he’s an assassin. He was an assassin. Sort of. It’s complicated. Oh, and the Spanish Inquisition. You didn’t expect that, did you?

It’s out in December.