Facebook’s new Portal video phone is definitely maybe not spying on you

From the company that gave us the Cambridge Analytica scandal, a new user security breach on top of who can even count how many previous user security breaches, and those “YOUR PORN NAME IS THE FIRST FOUR DIGITS OF YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER AND THE LAST TWELVE DIGITS OF YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER LOL” memes from granny who got hacked because she told some guy her login credentials so he could pay out her $100,000,000,000 lottery win from YOU Magazine, comes its first ever hardware product – a video phone that won’t record everything you do and sell it to marketing firms, the government, or the KGB. Probably.

Somewhat similar to Amazon’s Echo Show, the Portal is a smart display device including a mic, wide-angle camera, and built-in, always-on voice assistant for video calls and not audio surveillance, plus support for Facebook video streaming and music apps like Pandora or Spotify. The camera can automatically find and identify people in proximity, and track and zoom them as they move around – features that could never be used for questionable purposes, ever.

It’s out in the US on November, and subsequent consumer arrests on charges of making fun of Trump are entirely coincidental, pinky promise.

Are you watching Sex Education?