Ubisoft apologises for gross heteronormative new Assassin’s Creed Odyssey DLC

For the first time in the series, Assassin’s Creed Odyssey introduced a choice between male and female protagonists, and also for the first time in the series, the opportunity to indulge in some extracurricular same-sex naked wrestling. It’s historically accurate, okay. But the game’s recent Legacy of the First Blade expansion has now pushed in and asserted that, actually, whatever happened between Kassandra and Daphnae was no more than a, like, experimental thing that one time in collegiate, and then she met a boy and got married and had kids because that’s what girls are supposed to do, the end.

Not unexpectedly, this is controversial.

SPOILERS. SPOILERS. SPOILERS.

Remembering, perhaps, that uh-oh, the franchise’s entire narrative is predicated on genetics, the DLC concludes with Kassandra (or Alexios, if you made the wrong choice of protagonist and do you even know what you’re missing out on) settling down and starting a family. Due to the limits of medical science in 431 BCE, however, this is necessarily with a partner of the opposite sex. I’ve not played the DLC myself, but according to a synopsis over on Eurogamer, you can reject that partner’s romantic proposals… except it doesn’t matter, and you get with them anyway. Which is almost worse, but – like the increasingly ambiguous, mostly incomprehensible, and kind of irrelevant Abstergo Industries meta and genetics stuff – that’s a whole other thing.

In the meantime, though, Ubisoft has acknowledged that whatever its (questionable) plot obligations, this totally shits on Assassin’s Creed Odyssey’s play-how-you-want and previously much more egalitarian sexual premise.

“Alexios/Kassandra realizing their own mortality and the sacrifice Leonidas and Myrrine made before them to keep their legacy alive, felt the desire and duty to preserve their important lineage. Our goal was to let players choose between a utilitarian view of ensuring your bloodline lived on or forming a romantic relationship. We attempted to distinguish between the two but could have done this more carefully as we were walking a narrow line between role-play choices and story, and the clarity and motivation for this decision was poorly executed. As you continue the adventure in [the] next episode Bloodline, please know that you will not have to engage in a lasting romantic relationship if you do not desire to,” creative director Jonathan Dumont explains in an update on the game’s forums.

“We have read your responses online and taken them to heart. This has been a learning experience for us. Understanding how attached you feel to your Kassandra and your Alexios is humbling and knowing we let you down is not something we take lightly. We’ll work to do better and make sure the element of player choice in Assassin’s Creed Odyssey carries through our DLC content so you can stay true to the character you have embodied throughout.”

Obviously, the only way to make up for this is to conclude the next DLC with a super gay hookup, whether you’re into it or not. Not only because that’s equality, but also because those people complaining that this is, like, not even a big deal and what’s the problem and OMG SJWS will have to suck it up, literally and figuratively, or be exposed for the feckless hypocrites that they are, lol. Win-win.

LOL SO RANDOM
The 2019 remake of Pet Sematary will be available in 4DX.
Pet Sematary remake will be available in 4DX and you probably won’t come back the same