10 things I love to hate to shut up and deal with in Apex Legends

I called dibs

Somebody else on my team choosing my best of all favourite character ever – come on, I’ve got the most kills on Bangalore. Now I have to sit there and be silently judged for my dismal performance with Gibraltar when I’m obviously supposed to be Bangalore. I never play with Gibraltar. Except that one time. But it was one time. I’m good at this game, I promise. But only as Bangalore.

Apex Legends Bangalore

This is fun, isn’t it?

You load in, find a game, choose a legend, somebody picks a good landing spot, everybody agrees, and we launch from the dropship. Aaaaand, we’re dead. Game over. Repeat.

Unlucky number three

Waiting in vain for a third player to join the squad. It’ll happen any second now, just give it a minute, we’re gonna be a full-power, unstoppable death machine. Except the third player dropped out, and and now we’re two versus the whole map.

There’s no “I” in team, maybe, but there’s a “me” if you count backwards and skip the AAAAARGH

Running into an enemy squad solo. My team? Nowhere to be seen. Of course, the fact that I ran off looking for more loot while they headed towards the circle is totally besides the point. Everybody knows there’s decent stuff in the swamps. Everybody knows.

Apex Legends swamp
Over here! OVER HERE! Guys? GUYS?


Being left behind to die when there’s a respawn beacon just, over, there. Was it something I said? Sorry, I know you’re very busy with other very important things like not taking my tag to that respawn beacon that’s, like, 10 metres away, but I’m dead.

Safety in numbers doesn’t necessarily apply

Suggesting a nice empty landing zone, and then the jumpmaster just picks the spot everybody else is landing at, anyway. And by everybody, I mean everybody. So what’s left by the time you get there? A Mozambique. And you can’t bring a Mozambique to a gun fight – it doesn’t work.

Am I holding this the right way up?

Not knowing all the statistics and other info about all the guns like the guy with 18093 kills. I know the Peacekeeper is a decent shotgun, but then which upgrade is it I need to power it up again? Do I choose the Flatline or the R-301, and which scope is the best? How many hours is it even going to take to get good at this game?

Apex Legends L-Star
Ha, you can’t fool me. That one is definitely a stapler.

Nobody tells me anything

Didn’t we all decide on landing at the airbase? Why are we splitting up? Who’s in charge here anyway? PING PING PING. IS THIS THING EVEN ON.

It’s not me, it’s them

Being teamed up with noobs. Sure Hunt3rz101 and MURDERZDEATHCROW sounded cool and impressive while we were choosing our legends. But really, how does a level 38 pro like me end up on the same team as a level 3 and 6. It’s not fair, mom, and no, I don’t remember the time when I was also noob because it didn’t even happen. And I didn’t die first, it’s fake news.

No Michael, it’s you

Git gud.

BlizzCon 2019
Overwatch 2 announcement expected at BlizzCon 2019