X-Gamer Focus and Energy Formula review

Okay. So. Two things first.

One, I mostly used my X-Gamer samples for hangovers because I was too wretched to drive two blocks to the local Spar and buy my regular Vitamin Water Power-C (or “jelly healz”) instead. This probably isn’t exactly what local distributor Apex Interactive expected when I was asked to review this product, but I think this is also a very important scientific testing application anyway. And two, I have ADHD and take medication for that which also boosts the same stats. Double power-up? Yes, please. I’m a gamer, that’s how it works.

According to its marketing blurb, X-Gamer Focus and Energy Formula is “formulated exclusively for e-sports, semi-professional & enthusiast gamers”, and features a “dynamic blend of active ingredients and innovative flavours, scientifically formulated in accredited uk based laboratories” [sic]. The lineup includes 100%-certified-on-fleek-by-corporate-committee names like Hyperbeast, Zomberry, and Bluenitro, but most of them taste more or less the same as Red Bull and existential misery. The existential misery is my fault, though.

The supplement combo is mostly caffeine, taurine, and vitamins E and B – but, unlike most other energy drinks, it’s got zero sugar with a total count of about 30 calories per 500-millilitre serving. Coming off an over-9000-calorie cataclysm of red wine, whiskey, and I don’t even remember what else (shut up, it was my birthday, and also it was a Wednesday, and a Tuesday, and this other excuse too), this is like ordering a Diet Coke with a full-house masala steak gatsby and a side of jalapeno cheese half-moons and also a side of samoosas and also a side of those, uh, things because caaaaarbs, and I shouldn’t have purchased a home this close to Cosy Corner but that’s like a whole different discussion. BESIDES, THEY TOTALLY CANCEL EACH OTHER OUT. Everybody knows that.

CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

Compound Dosage per 10g serving Class Info
Caffeine 200mg Psychoactive stimulant Equivalent to about two cups of coffee
Taurine 1000mg ? Taurine deficiency can cause retinal degradation in cats, so it must be important
Niacin 31.2mg Jazz fusion Website has a MySpace link, lol
Vitamin E 3.2mg What even are vitamins Moisturises your liver
Thiamine 0.6mg Deep space asteroid mining resource [CLASSIFIED]
Riboflavin 0.6mg Basting sauce Rib-O-Flavin™ contains no added MSG
Vitamin B6 0.6μg Substance I dunno, I missed this biology lesson
Vitamin B12 6.8μg Power-up Vitamin B6 x 2
Biotin 8μg Synthetic Element Zero Makes your skin blue
Pantothenic acid 2.4mg Corrosive DMG type Acid melts things, it was in a movie
Chrome 4.4μg Metallic finish Eternal, shiny
Boron 22μg Cosmic rock I didn’t even make it up
Lutein 12μg Yellow #b6bf04

X-Gamer is available in 10-gram one-hit sachets and 600-gram “Tubz”, and I got samples of both with a reusable shaker/bottle thing that’s actually kind of rad, and has a plastic mesh layer at the top to prevent ice from spilling on my stupid face and I don’t want to feel personally attacked but I feel personally attacked. At publish time, however, I’ve not managed to generate the necessary intestinal fortitude to try out the Hydrastorm (cola) or Powacrush (pineapple, maybe?) flavours. Gross.

Since I recently acquired a new SodaStream machine and the SPARKLE EVERYTHING novelty hasn’t subsided, I mixed the X-Gamer powder with about 100 millilitres of regular water and topped it up with soda water, and the result was a rejuvenating fizzy fix for everything that’s wrong with… everything for about four or five hours, so that’s fun.

BOTTOM LINE
It's got electrolytes!
PROS
Helps with hangovers
The pink one
No sugar
Saved me a trip to Spar
CONS
Not a gatsby
87
LOL SO RANDOM
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