I Love You, Colonel Sanders is the KFC dating sim of your finger lickin’ dreams

I mean, who wouldn’t want to date the guy? He knows how to cook. If you count deep-fried cancer as food, anyway. Promising “the most delicious dating simulator ever”, KFC’s new what-the-cluck promo game I Love You, Colonel Sanders is launching on Steam this month, and is this how we find out that the eleven secret herbs and spices include genital warts? Maybe! That’s why it’s a secret.

As a student in a culinary class with a man who must be over 80 but let’s pretend that’s not totally creepy, you’ll have to deal with “life-changing decisions that will affect your chances of friendship and love”, like choosing between a Zinger Twister and a Box Master at 3am when you’re too drunk to even read the menu, and it doesn’t matter because you’re going to puke it up in the car and wish you’d ordered one of those buckets instead. Probably.

I don’t think it’s too late to cancel 2019.

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