How to cook the best ever roast chicken

No Woolies rotisserie chickens because government said so? No problem! Let’s DIY instead like real anarchists.

Recipes on the internet usually include some kind of whimsical, mostly irrelevant anecdote about the writer’s childhood, so this one time when I was a kid, a dog pissed on my book bag at school and it was super embarrassing.

Anyway, the best ever roast chicken and how to cook it.

The secret to cooking the Best Ever Roast Chicken™ is cooking it hot, and cooking it fast. With this method – technically, a “dry brine”, if you want to be posh about it – your chicken is going to be gorgeously crispy on the outside, and wet damp moist (sorry) on the inside. But! To compensate for the hot, fast cook, you should use a chicken that’s a maximum of 1.2 kilos, or it won’t work.

Mmmmm.

WHAT YOU NEED

  • A chicken, weighing no more than 1.2 kilos (IMPORTANT!)
  • Kitchen towel
  • Lots of coarse sea salt
  • Clingwrap
  • A roasting pan
  • Dried or fresh herbs – thyme, sage, oregano, or tarragon (optional)
  • Lemon wedges (optional)

PREPARATION

This recipe is best prepped one or even three days before, but if you’ve only got three hours, that’s okay too. 

  • Dry the chicken with some kitchen towel
  • Rub the coarse salt all over it
  • Clingwrap the chicken super snug, and refrigerate it for up to three days

WINNER, WINNER, CHICKEN DINNER

  • Take your chicken out of the fridge, and let it get up to room temperature
  • Pre-heat your oven to 230 C
  • Remove the clingwrap
  • Don’t remove the salt, though
  • The chicken will probably have some visible droplets on it – dry it with some kitchen towel
  • If you’re using fresh herbs, season the chicken now
  • If you’re using lemon wedges, insert them into its you-know-what, and maybe apologise for the indignity
  • DO NOT ADD OLIVE OIL OR BUTTER OR SOME OTHER WHATEVER
  • Put the chicken into your roasting pan
  • Cook that chicken for about an hour, until it’s a luxurious shade of burnished umber, resplendent and glorious as an autumn morning
  • To test if it’s cooked through, push a fork into the meatfleshes between the chicken’s leg and breast – the liquid should be clear, not pink
  • Take it out of the oven and let it contemplate existence for, like, ten minutes or so
  • OM NOM NOM
LOL SO RANDOM
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