When Wesley dictated that Rickismo Afrikanus be the most beneficent dictator he could possibly be in Tropico 3 (a management sim in which you play the bumbling dictator of a tropical paradise), he thought he was giving him a challenge. He thought that Rickismo – author, velvet revolutionary, multi-award winning Noble (sic) Laureate* and the people’s greatest but most humble servant — could not possibly achieve peaceful rule of the like not experienced since the Renaissance.
But there are two things you must know about Rickismo: he refers to himself in third-person — always — and that whilst his humility is second to none, it’s an undeniable fact that he single-handedly thwarted eighteen increasingly convoluted assassination attempts (the last involving a silky llama, a whip, and a promising cabaret invitation).
Rickismo is no stranger to adversity: indeed, he welcomes it as a common-but-no-less-valuable Tropican may welcome air to breathe, or decent living wages, or rights. And while the challenges were great, he succeeded where lesser men and women would have failed, thanks in minor part to his peoples’ tireless efforts but largely due to his eleemosynary [I’ve just Googled this word, and it is not at all what I was expecting. Make of that what you will. – Ed.] gaze.
What follows is Rickismo’s extensive, detailed and objective account of his leadership, insights, wisdom and fiscal acuity, as documented by that most competent and impartial biographer: himself.